I was listening to some Steve Earle on the way in to work this morning. One of my favorite songs of his is "The Week Of Living Dangerously" (http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/The-Week-Of-Living-Dangerously-lyrics-Steve-Earle/7499317EFADDC9BB48256AB6003762BB). The whole song is a hoot but I absolutely love the line:

"I threw the car seat in the dumpster and headed off into the night "

What line in a song makes you laugh out loud?

"When I think back of all the crap I learned in Hiskule..." from "Kodachrome", by Paul Simon, 1973, always makes me chuckle. I was at the time in a tortuous Geometry class taught by a Football coach I didn't get along with too well, couldn't STAND Geometry, saw no point in it whatsoever, except to torture 15-16 year olds. Being an angst-ridden teenager, that song spoke VOLUMES to me.

When I used to DJ, this song always seemed to to get everyone laughing and cutting up...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sAdDBP1dy4

I got more requests for this song than you could imagine, and it usually ended up in some guy being singled out.. It was always too funny..

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest,,, BALLS of them all
AC/DC

this thread went south in a hurry.

And you expected anything less from a bunch of old guys?

ANother old song that would make me laugh about vertian people...

Dead Milkmen - You'll Dance to Anything.. Especially the part about blowing it out of your hairdo, because you wokr at Hardee's

Continuing the AC/DC theme:

She gave me the Queen
She gave me the King
She was wheelin' and dealin'
Just doin' her thing
She was holdin' a pair
But I had to try
Her Deuce was wild
But my Ace was high
But how was I to know
That she'd been dealt with before
Said she'd never had a Full House
But I should have known
From the tattoo on her left leg
And the garter on her right
She'd have the card to bring me down
If she played it right

I've got big balls
I've got big balls
They're such big balls
And they're dirty big balls
And he's got big balls
And she's got big balls
But we've got the biggest,,, BALLS of them all
AC/DC

I love that song! :D It's a massive double entendre. The social pages say I've got the biggest balls of all. :yes:

I always laugh at the opening line to Werewolves of London:
"I saw a werewolf with a chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain."

I looked at my watch and to my suprise I was dancing with a woman who was twice my size. (Chuck Berry- Reelin' and Rockin')

It's still along the sexual lines but one that makes me laugh out loud is the Kinks:

Well I'm not the world's most masculine man
But I know what I am and I'm glad I'm a man
And so is Lola

Ray

Alot of Zappa.
Some 10 CC.

“The open mind is an empty mind/ So I keep mine closed.”

Mudhoney, "The Closed Mind"

"Grandpa pissed his pants again, he don't give a damn", from the song Play It All Night Long off of my favorite album by the late great Warren Zevon - Bad Luck Streak In Dancing School. :thmbsp:

this thread went south in a hurry.

Hey, you asked what makes us laugh. That one came on the radio a couple of days ago, and the whole family was in the car. :yikes:

First it was "What, what? Then snickers (especially from the 13 yr old) and by the end of the song some everyone was belting out the punch line and laughing there ass off. :banana:

So what’s south? :D

This one cracked me up the first time I heard it.

Fiona Apple - Ugly Girl

When I saw you at the grocery store
You were sharin a shopping cart with her
And I couldn’t turn and run away
I didn’t know what to say
You introduced us for the first time
And I had to look her in the eye
But you could not have imagined my surprise
Can’t you see?
You’re leaving me
For an ugly girl
Does she talk about politics?
And all that stuff that used to makes me sick
Does she smoke cigars and stay up late
Oh she’s so great
Does she tell you what you want to here?
And I bet she could grow a beard
I feel better thinking you were queer
It’s not fair
I can’t compare
To an ugly girl
To an ugly girl
Lalalalalala lalalalalalala lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalalala
Lalalalalalalala
Lalalalalala hhahah
Hahaha the jokes on me
I feel jealous and I feel mean
She’s so nice
That it makes up for her face
There’s no way, do you have to keep your eyes closed
Do you have to keep the lights down low?
Oh I bet you wish you had a blind fold
CAN"T (instead of don't) you see you’re leaving me
For an ugly girl
For an ugly girl
She’s an ugly girl
A real ugly girl
Lalalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalala
She’s an ugly girl
An ugly girl ahh huhhh

Dire Straits' MONEY FOR NOTHING is a damn funny song.

And, now that I think of it, I THINK I"M GOING BALD by Rush always got a snicker out of me.

And he sideswiped nineteen neat parked cars,
clipped off thirteen telephone poles,
hit two houses, bruised eight trees,
and Blue-Crossed seven people.
it was then he lost his head,
not to mention an arm or two before he stopped.
And he smeared for four hundred yards
along the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania.
Along with thirty thousand pounds of bananas.


Harry Chapin, '30,000 Pounds of Bananas'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pZ3TTmm0n4

Full lyrics:

It was just after dark when the truck started down
the hill that leads into Scranton Pennsylvania.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Carrying thirty thousand pounds (hit it Big John) of bananas.

He was a young driver,
just out on his second job.
And he was carrying the next day's pasty fruits
for everyone in that coal-scarred city
where children play without despair
in backyard slag-piles and folks manage to eat each day
just about thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, just about thirty thousand pounds (scream it again, John) of bananas.

He passed a sign that he should have seen,
saying "shift to low gear, a fifty dollar fine my friend."
He was thinking perhaps about the warm-breathed woman
who was waiting at the journey's end.
He started down the two mile drop,
the curving road that wound from the top of the hill.
He was pushing on through the shortening miles that ran down to the depot.
Just a few more miles to go,
then he'd go home and have her ease his long, cramped day away.
and the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes the smell of thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He was picking speed as the city spread its twinkling lights below him.
But he paid no heed as the shivering thoughts of the nights
delights went through him.
His foot nudged the brakes to slow him down.
But the pedal floored easy without a sound.
He said "Christ!"
It was funny how he had named the only man who could save him now.
He was trapped inside a dead-end hellslide,
riding on his fear-hunched back
was every one of those yellow green
I'm telling you thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

He barely made the sweeping curve that led into the steepest grade.
And he missed the thankful passing bus at ninety miles an hour.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he said "God, make it a dream!"
as he rode his last ride down.
And he sideswiped nineteen neat parked cars,
clipped off thirteen telephone poles,
hit two houses, bruised eight trees,
and Blue-Crossed seven people.
it was then he lost his head,
not to mention an arm or two before he stopped.
And he smeared for four hundred yards
along the hill that leads into Scranton, Pennsylvania.
Along with thirty thousand pounds of bananas.

You know the man who told me about it on the bus,
as it went up the hill out of Scranton, Pennsylvania,
he shrugged his shoulders, he shook his head,
and he said (and this is exactly what he said)
"Boy that sure must've been something.
Just imagine thirty thousand pounds of bananas.
Yes, there were thirty thousand pounds of mashed bananas.
Of bananas. Just bananas. Thirty thousand pounds.
of Bananas. not no driver now. Just bananas!"

I like the line in Slow Turning by John Hiatt that goes
"Now Im in my car
I got the radio on
Im yellin at the kids in the back
cause theyre bangin like charlie watts" -
then the drummer plays a "Charlie Watts fill"
...that cracks me up everytime.

Almost any Spike Jones stuff.

My Maserati does 185
I lost my license, now I don't drive.......

I go to parties sometimes until four
It's hard to leave when you can't find the door......

MR. FRANK ZAPPA:

I`ll ignore your cheap aroma and your little bo-peep diploma I`ll just put you in a coma with some dirty Love,some dirty love.

Oh no its a dogdoo snow cone.

Most of the stuff Isaac Hayes sang as "Chef" on South Park.

Most of the stuff Isaac Hayes sang as "Chef" on South Park.

Chocolate salty balls!

Mystic > Isn't that avatar from the movie "The Warriors"? It's one of my favorite movies.

EDIT: i forgot to post my lyric............I'm a little teapot short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout

Isn't that avatar from the movie "The Warriors"?

Yep, one of the (Baseball) Furies.

"As she abused the sausage patty" - FZ, Saint Alphonzo's Pancake Breakfast

The entirety of Zappa's "Broken Hearts Are For Assholes".
And pretty much all the rest of his work, come to think of it.
Also, AC/DC's "The Jack";
"She gave me her mind
And she gave me her body
But she gave it to everybody!!
Well I made her cry
And I made her scream
And I curdled her cream..."
Yep, looks like FZ and the Young bros. are the main offenders.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5-TNdG6gjY

"Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then..." from Bob Seger's Against the Wind.

I heard an interview with him once where he said he hated that lyric. He was embarrassed that it was (in his opinion) weak, and he didn't want to sing it, but he couldn't come up with anything better quickly enough. Others encouraged him to sing it, so finally he did... and it turned out to be one of his most well-known and well-liked lyrics, not only in that song but from any of his songs.

Haven't found that interview yet online, but here is a quote I found:

Seger: "My old friend Glenn Frey of the Eagles had an idea that our guitarist Drew Abbott should play along with the piano solo. He and I then went out and did the background vocals together. The line 'Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then' bothered me for the longest time, but everyone I knew loved it so I left it in. It has since appeared in several hits by other artists, so I guess it's OK."

I also like the lyrics to his song, "Like a Rock". Could serve as an anthem of sorts for every middle-ager stuck in an aging body, reminiscing about earlier days. When I was fading fast a few years back, it was really bittersweet to listen to, but as I recovered a better level of health and began to feel and be functional again, it also became a bit inspirational:

Stood there boldly
Sweatin in the sun
Felt like a million
Felt like number one
The height of summer
Id never felt that strong
Like a rock

I was eighteen
Didnt have a care
Working for peanuts
Not a dime to spare
But I was lean and
Solid everywhere
Like a rock

My hands were steady
My eyes were clear and bright
My walk had purpose
My steps were quick and light
And I held firmly
To what I felt was right
Like a rock

Like a rock, I was strong as I could be
Like a rock, nothin ever got to me
Like a rock, I was something to see
Like a rock

And I stood arrow straight
Unencumbered by the weight
Of all these hustlers and their schemes
I stood proud, I stood tall
High above it all
I still believed in my dreams

Twenty years now
Whered they go?
Twenty years
I dont know
Sit and I wonder sometimes
Where theyve gone

And sometimes late at night
When Im bathed in the firelight
The moon comes callin a ghostly white
And I recall
I recall

Like a rock. standin' arrow straight
Like a rock, chargin' from the gate
Like a rock, carryin' the weight
Like a rock

Lihe a rock, the sun upon my skin
Like a rock, hard against the wind
Like a rock, I see myself again
Like a rock

I just realized the title of this thread is about songs that make you laugh, not just ones that are memorable in some way. More in that vein, I always found Danny Kaye's Tongue Twister song a little funny. Here is a link to very poor audio version, lip-synched by someone else, but it gives an idea of the lyrics. Not a very easy song to sing well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6RO9lt3kM0

Lots of John Prine.

ANother old song that would make me laugh about vertian people...

Dead Milkmen - You'll Dance to Anything.. Especially the part about blowing it out of your hairdo, because you wokr at Hardee's


Long list of funny lyrics from the 'Milkmen

my fave, from "Punk Rock Girl"

"well if you dont got Mojo Nixon, then your store could do some fixin"

Yep, looks like FZ and the Young bros. are the main offenders.

Bon wrote all his own lyrics, some of them truly hilarous

on an unrelated note, I'm going to a conference in Western Australia in September, my supervisor suggetsed we make a pilgramage to Bons grave in Fremantle, I'm taking a bottle of Stones Mac

Not a very easy song to sing well!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6RO9lt3kM0

I'd like to find the original. And thanks for bringing back the Danny Kaye memories! I'm going to revisit those DK videos later. He was a hoot!

I'd like to find the original. And thanks for bringing back the Danny Kaye memories! I'm going to revisit those DK videos later. He was a hoot!

I had a box set of his on 78 as a kid, I remember his version of "Minnie the Moocher". Some really funny stuff, especially for a kid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfuHD1aBDxk

je

Graham Parker's (done by Dae Edmonds) "Crawling From the Wreckage"

Nothing seem to happen that ain’t happened before
I see it all through flashes of depression
I dry up my drink and hear
People running for the door
God I make some kind of impression
’cause when I’m disconnected from the driving wheel
I’m only half the man I should be
But metal hitting metal isn’t all I feel
And everything is good as
It possible could be

Crawling from the wreckage
Crawling from the wreckage
You’d think by now at least that
Half my brain would get the message
Crawling from the wreckage
Crawling from the wreckage
Into a brand new car

David Allan Coe's "Time Off for bad Behavior"
I'm up at dawn, at the crack of dawn
I been workin' like a regular dog
To keep my woman, and the lights, and the water, and the phone turned on

Lots of John Prine.

Heh, yesterday was Steve Earle for my morning drive, today was John Prine.

From Jesus, the Missing Years (http://lyricsplayground.com/alpha/songs/j/jesusthemissingyears.shtml):

He discovered the Beatles
He recorded with the Stones
Once he even opened up a three way package
For old George Jones

Almost anything by Warren Zevon, John Prine and often Mark Knopfler.

The Smiths ~ Stop Me If You've Heard This One Before
"The pain was enough to make a shy, bald Buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder"

It must have broke your poor little heart
When the boys used to say,
you looked better in the dark.
But now they'd give all they learnt in school
To be somewhere in the dark with you

So many...

Here's one I was just listening to.

Married With Children

There's no need for you to say you're sorry
Goodbye I'm going home
I don't care no more so don't you worry
Goodbye I'm going home

I hate the way that even though you
Know you're wrong you say you're right
I hate the books you read and all your friends
Your music's shite it keeps me up all night

There's no need for you to say you're sorry
Goodbye I'm going home
I don't care no more so don't you worry
Goodbye I'm going home

I hate the way that you are so sarcastic
And you're not very bright
You think that everything you've done's fantastic
Your music's shite it keeps me up all night

A few off the top of my head.

Richard Thompson-Valerie
"Valerie, if you don't get over your eating jag...They're gonna take you home in a body bag"

Tom Petty-Hearbreakers Beach Party
'Wow I'm tired...lets go have some potato salad'

Elmo & Patsy-Grandma Got Run Over
Monty Python-Sit On My Face
Harry Nilsson-You're Breakin' My Heart

Hoodoo Gurus-Miss Free Love '69
'You can't take me anywhere...I'll just strip down to my underwear'

Shawn Colvin in her song "New Things Now" :

"And don't you love the leader of the band
Equal parts Butthead and Peter Pan."

"Your sperm is in the gutter, your love's in the sink" - Jethro Tull, Thick As A Brick

TRUCKLOAD OF ART
--Terry Allen

A Truckload of Art
From New York City
Came rollin down the road
Yeah the driver was singing
And the sunset was pretty
But the truck turned over
And she rolled off the road

Yeah a Truckload of Art
is burning near the highway
Precious objects are scattered
All over the ground
And it's a terrible sight
If a person were to see it
But there weren't nobody around

Yes…an important artwork
Was thrown burning to the ground
Tragically…landing in the weeds
And the smoke could be seen
Ahhh for miles all around
Yeah but nobody…knows what it means

Security Joan - Donald Fagen

Well I guess I needed a miracle
If I was gonna make my flight
I had to get to gate C13
And it was still way out of sight
Something in my carry on bag
Tipped off the x-ray machine
'Cause then an angel straight from heaven
Asked me to 'step behind that screen'
And when I felt the wand sweep over me
You know I never felt so clean

[Chorus:]
Well you won't find my name on your list
Honey you know I ain't no terrorist
Confiscate my shoes, my cellphone
You know I love you,
Security Joan

I hung out at the Starbucks
'til just around boarding time
Then I strolled on back to the checkpoint
Just one thing on my mind
She flashed that crooked smile and said
'Well I believe you missed your flight'.
I said 'There's been a minor change of plan,
And I'll be stayin' for one more night'.
I could tell from the way she looked at me
Everything was gonna be all right

[Chorus]

Search me now!

Ice Ice Baby --- Jim Carey :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0A7tLVIsuNw

I don't laugh out loud, but this song always make me smile

What do you want from life, by the Tubes.

What do you want from life
To kidnap an heiress
or threaten her with a knife
What do you want from life
To get cable TV
and watch it every night

There you sit
a lump in your chair
Where do you sleep
and what do you wear
when you're sleeping

What do you want from life
An Indian guru
to show you the inner light
What do you want from life
a meaningless love affair
with a girl that you met tonight

How can you tell when you're doin' alright
Does your bank account swell
While you're dreaming at night
How do know when you're really in love
Do violins play when you're touching the one
That you're loving

What do you want from life
Someone to love
and somebody that you can trust
What do you want from life
To try and be happy
while you do the nasty things you must

Well, you can't have that, but if you're an American citizen you are entitled to:
a heated kidney shaped pool,
a microwave oven--don't watch the food cook,
a Dyna-Gym--I'll personally demonstrate it in the privacy of your own home,
a king-size Titanic unsinkable Molly Brown waterbed with polybendum,
a foolproof plan and an airtight alibi,
real simulated Indian jewelry,
a Gucci shoetree,
a year's supply of antibiotics,
a personally autographed picture of Randy Mantooth
and Bob Dylan's new unlisted phone number,
a beautifully restored 3rd Reich swizzle stick,
Rosemary's baby,
a dream date in kneepads with Paul Williams,
a new Matador, a new mastodon,
a Maverick, a Mustang, a Montego,
a Merc Montclair, a Mark IV, a meteor,
a Mercedes, an MG, or a Malibu,
a Mort Moriarty, a Maserati, a Mac truck,
a Mazda, a new Monza, or a moped,
a Winnebago--Hell, a herd of Winnebago's we're giving 'em away,
or how about a McCulloch chainsaw,
a Las Vegas wedding,
a Mexican divorce,
a solid gold Kama Sutra coffee pot,
or a baby's arm holding an apple?

Eric Heatherly's "Wrong Five O'clock"

We were playin' pool and havin' a ball
Weren't doin' anything wrong at all
Then Jimmy got crazy, got thrown in jail
What else was I supposed to do but
Post his bail

I got home at the wrong five o'clock
Key wouldn't fit had to knock, knock, knock
She opened the door with that pistol cocked
I got home at the wrong five o'clock


Redi

"And you may see me tonight with an illegal smile
It don't cost very much, but it lasts a long while
Won't you please tell the man I didn't kill anyone
No I'm just tryin' to have me some fun"
John Prine

Inspite of Ourselves is a duet Mr. Prine sang with Iris Dement...
for reading continuity, I labled their respective parts....


John:
She don't like her eggs all runny
She thinks crossin' her legs is funny
She looks down her nose at money
She gets it on like the Easter Bunny
She's my baby I'm her honey
I'm never gonna let her go

Iris:
He ain't got laid in a month of Sundays
I caught him once and he was sniffin' my undies
He ain't too sharp but he gets things done
Drinks his beer like it's oxygen
He's my baby
And I'm his honey
Never gonna let him go

Both:
In spite of ourselves
We'll end up a'sittin' on a rainbow
Against all odds
Honey, we're the big door prize
We're gonna spite our noses
Right off of our faces
There won't be nothin' but big old hearts
Dancin' in our eyes.

John:
She thinks all my jokes are corny
Convict movies make her horny
She likes ketchup on her scrambled eggs
Swears like a sailor when shaves her legs
She takes a lickin'
And keeps on tickin'
I'm never gonna let her go.

Iris:
He's got more balls than a big brass monkey
He's a wacked out werido and a lovebug junkie
Sly as a fox and crazy as a loon
Payday comes and he's howlin' at the moon
He's my baby I don't mean maybe
Never gonna let him go

Both:
In spite of ourselves
We'll end up a'sittin' on a rainbow
Against all odds
Honey, we're the big door prize
We're gonna spite our noses
Right off of our faces
There won't be nothin' but big old hearts
Dancin' in our eyes.

"But your flag decal won't get you
into heaven any more....
They're already over-crowded
from your dirty little war..."

Your flag decal wonm't get you into heaven any more-John Prine, John Prine, 1971

when i first heard
Jack Johnsonson - F**k her gently
i laughed ROF

Always liked these from Nerf Herder



Sorry I saw you and I heard birds sing
Sorry I touched you and I heard bells ring
Sorry I jacked off outside of your window
While you were sleeping, I thought you'd never know
Sorry I showed up at your wedding
Sorry I tried so hard to get in
Sorry I screwed up your picture
Sorry I had sex with your sister

Tiny Tim

"Tiptoe Through the Tulips"

or a baby's arm holding an apple?

One of my favorite songs, and THAT lyric does make me laugh. Not many people know what it means. Hehehe.

Jackson Browne 'You A*3hole, you'. I will just point to the lyrics.

http://www.oldielyrics.com/lyrics/jackson_browne/you_asshole_you.html

Probably not a lot of Hee Haw fans around here (or Buck Owens for that matter)...

"I searched the world over,
Thought I'd found true love...
You met another and
Pfffft you were gone."

I have some fine used cars available. Call BR-549 and ask for Junior.

Probably not a lot of Hee Haw fans around here (or Buck Owens for that matter)...

"I searched the world over,
Thought I'd found true love...
You met another and
Pfffft you were gone."

I have some fine used cars available. Call BR-549 and ask for Junior.

I'm a Buck Owens fan! And I grew up on Hee-Haw.

I'm the hip hopopatomous... my lyrics are bottomless.

flight of the conchords, I had tears streaming down my face it made me laugh so hard.

Evan

I'm goin' to Los Angeles to find my asshole brother

Cracker's "Euro-Trash Girl" has a number of funny lines - here's a sample...

Called my mom from a payphone
I said "I'm down to my last."
She said "I sent you to college...
now go call your dad."
And the waitress that he married,
well she hung up the phone.
You know she never did like me,
but I can stand on my own.

Sold my plasma in Amsterdam.
Spent it all in a night,
buying drinks at the Melk Weg
for a soldier in drag.
And I'll search the world over
for my angel in black.
Yeah, I'll search the world over
for a Eurotrash Girl

"Dirty Water"
'That's where you'll find me along with lovers, muggers and thieves...but they're cool people'