I'm planning to get married. I hope it to be as soon as I can afford to do it right. We (and our families) deserve a proper wedding and reception. We're thinking about a wedding chapel followed by a VFW reception.

Can anybody give me tips and advice as to what to do? I'm thinking I need to plan much of this one myself and am clueless.

If she asks, "Do you like this ?"
the answer is YES.:yes::D

Seriously though, half our budget was the rings.

A man is not complete without a wife - then he's finished. :D

Congratulations! The VFW sounds like a good choice for the reception. When I got married we had our reception in the back yard of a friends house but that was at the end of summer and the weather was great. You'll need to cater the reception with sufficient snacks and drinks for everyone. Some good standard snack fare are coldcuts, a selection of cheeses, a variety of crackers, salted and smoked nuts, and chips & dips. A few of my favorite snack foods are bread cubes with spinach dip (use round bakery loaves and cut the bread into about 1 1/2" cubes), Swedish meatballs, and Pirogies. My wife to be and I prepared all the food ourselves due to a very limited budget. Fortunately she's a great cook and everything was delicious, especially the Swedish meatballs, yum!

KISS-Keep It Simple, Stupid- the simpler the better. The less chance there is for something to go awry. Try NOT to get bogged down in details. Let the pros-the preacher, caterer, etc do THEIR thing. They've done this before, they know what they're doing. In about every church, there's one or 2 women who are the "Wedding Czars"-old hands who've done it a hundred times for people. Don't be afraid to ask their help & advice. Lastly, TRY to have Fun !

Congratulations, Mark. My only advice is this: the day is for you and your new wife, so please yourselves - the others are just along for the ride.

"Can anybody give me tips and advice as to what to do?"
First thing that comes to mind is a prenup...

Make sure you have to do as little as possible. It might seem frugal to run to the florist, decorate the place, be a DJ, bake the cake, etc, but you're no good at that stuff and you won't enjoy the day. Yeah, OK - maybe you could have done some things better, but seriously, let the people you pick do their thing.

Two Words: Buffet
Cuts down on the server staff so you can upgrade the food.

If you're going to serve booze, beer and wine (not tooooo cheap) is enough. Let 'em buy their own Grey Goose Cosmos.

DJ or Band --- make sure you go over the playlist and censor genres you know won't appeal to your crowd. A good MC can really make an event and good music can fill the floor.


Commercial photographers are a real ripoff. Throw a Fuji QuickSnap on each table. You'll get lots of random pics. Get the CD when you have them developed so you can distribute the pics to your friends and family. Find somebody mature and single to take pics for you, use the highest digital quality cam you can find for this. Encourage the person to take as many as possible, you can delete what didn't work.

If she asks "Does my ass look big in this " Just answer "yes as big as a barrage balloon" She will of course appreciate your opinion. :thmbsp:

Drink very heavily.

Another way to cut down on expenses is find a church that has space to handle your reception. We chose a libertarian church with a nice view and large windows. They were quite accomodating and we basically had the run of the place. And the wine was flowin', so don't let that discourage you.

Really simplifies logistics too.

We got married in March. It was the off-season and rates were better at the halls.
We also got married in a chapel (which is now a plumbing store, how romantic :D ) and it was fine. We aren't very religious, so that part really didn't matter.

A friend videotaped the wedding which was very nice and our photographer was a family friend, so we got a deal there. Actually, our date was set by his availability :D. His professionalism, knowledge, and skill shows in his work; there's more to doing a wedding that shooting a ton of pictures. Another family member did our cake.

I'd just be smart about it. These bridal places can really be bloodsuckers as they play upon the emotion of "your special day" and try to get you to upgrade as much as possible. Your day IS special , but it doesn't have to be obscenely expensive. I got married in my suit and bought a new tie; Cindy got a nice gown from Jacobsen's. We didn't have any ice sculptures

They will also give you a sheet where you can figure out your budget: very big deal here. According to such wisdom a wedding dress should be X% of your budget, Flowers Y %, etc.


I'd be careful here. Think bloodsuckers again. Jewelers used to "suggest" 1/3 your annual income for the rings. :yikes: Good for them, bad for you. Get what you like and can afford; don't let them browbeat you into something you don't want.

As far as music goes, well you're on your own. I don't know anybody with any good audio stuff :lmao:

BTW, Congratulations!!

Another way to cut down on expenses is find a church that has space to handle your reception. We chose a libertarian church with a nice view and large windows. They were quite accomodating and we basically had the run of the place. And the wine was flowin', so don't let that discourage you.

Really simplifies logistics too.

Along these lines, my son was married at a bed and breakfast. Since much of the wedding party and parents were from out of town, they basically booked all the rooms the night before and the night of the wedding at a reduced rate. The B&B had a variety of packages and helped in the planning. The ceremony was out back on the lawn and they had a large party room with an adjoining patio, easily accommodating about 100 people. They provided, along with some of the logistical stuff, a DJ, bartender and did the catering (buffet style).

Good luck and do remember that it's for you and your future wife, so enjoy.

Alan

If she asks, "Do you like this ?"
the answer is YES.:yes::D

So you are married?:D

If she asks "Does my ass look big in this " Just answer "yes as big as a barrage balloon" She will of course appreciate your opinion. :thmbsp:
:no::D


Congratulations, Mark. My only advice is this: the day is for you and your new wife, so please yourselves - the others are just along for the ride.

This advice IMO is half right. This day is for your new wife, not you, if your new wife is happy you will be to.:D

Drink very heavily.:naughty:

Can anybody give me tips and advice as to what to do? I'm thinking I need to plan much of this one myself and am clueless.

And I'm thinking you need to change the "I" to "We" need to be planning this!

Congratulations, Mark. My only advice is this: the day is for you and your new wife, so please yourselves - the others are just along for the ride.

QFT. It is your day, do what you want and what makes YOU TWO happiest. Congrats ski.

Congratulations, Mark. My only advice is this: the day is for you and your new wife, so please yourselves - the others are just along for the ride.

This man speaks the Truth.

We had a very small wedding, and did much of the work ourselves with some family help (small civil ceremony, MIL baked the cake, we did flowers and planning--centerpieces, FIL supplied some wine, family all cooked, an uncle helped with music, etc. It was in my wife's grandmother's backyard under a rented tent).

We had a blast, and my only regret was that we didn't get to eat enough of the yummy food (and this is now 20 years ago).

Congratulations Mark!

Sine I've been married 3 times, I think I can at least give you one very good piece of advice...

Make sure it's the right one the first time...

Originally posted by RichPA
Congratulations, Mark. My only advice is this: the day is for you and your new wife, so please yourselves - the others are just along for the ride.

Very wise words indeed! My wedding was done in a small quaint chapel in Roy WA. Very few people and we did the reception if you want to call it that at our townhouse. It was great!! No BS no pomp just good friends and warm wishes!
And hey it`s lasted 20 Wonderful years I wouldn`t change a thing! Congratulations Mark and enjoy. Over the years it`s the little things that make the difference!

first, there's the wedding, then there's the marriage, which, if it happens at all, takes place slowly, over many years, and with much blood, sweat, and tears.

Drink very heavily.

While I can see the logic in this, if you abstain, you might have the presence of mind to run like hell.

Just sayin'...

Quick you have time..Run away :D

Mark,
Congratulations!!

If you want to do it "right", there is a certain protocol for "traditional" weddings. The groom and bride sides take care of different things. But it's not set in stone. From tux rentals to flowers. The one thing I remember that was a pain was finding a "where." All the popular places get booked up months to a year in advance, so start looking soon. Better to Google the rest for the info.

Best wishes to you and your fiancé!

While I mentioned earlier that my son got married at a B&B, I have a different story to tell.

My wife and I had been living together for twelve years when we decided it might be time to go ahead and get married - third time for me and second time for her. We just went to the JP's office with my step-daughter, her husband and the grandson. We didn't tell anybody else until the next weekend - a long Labor Day weekend - when we invited all the imediate family over for barbeque and swimming. Once everyone got there, we broke the news. That was over nine years ago now.

All I really had to do was smoke a brisket and grill some sausage.

Again, best wishes to you.

Alan

Help! I'm getting married!



No one helped me. :worried:

First, congratulations! I'm now 6 years into my first marriage (10 years together). All I can say is be sure you understand that the love you feel now will not be the love you feel in 3 years, 6 years, 9 years. It changes over time. It grows deeper and is more gentle, patient, and forgiving. There will be periods when you don't like each other very much but you must always trust that you love each other and that the storm will pass. If you are both truly committed to making the marriage work it will. Don't be afraid to turn to outside help, pastor, counselor, trusted friends, if you need it. They don't teach the skills required for a successful marriage in school so reach out if you need to find someone to teach them to you. I think all newly weds should go see a good marriage counselor monthly during their first year of marriage. They will teach you the skills needed to communicate effectively with each other, among other things and they will help you lay the foundation for success and save lots of trouble down the road. No different than learning a new sport or skill. You go and take lessons and get tips from a pro to get started right and avoid developing bad habits. Periodically you go back to the pro for an adjustment in technique when things aren't quite right with your game.

Good luck and remember to be patient with each other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ski
Can anybody give me tips and advice as to what to do? I'm thinking I need to plan much of this one myself and am clueless.

Jamesrpm said:
And I'm thinking you need to change the "I" to "We" need to be planning this!

Almost right. Change the "we" to "she." Be the gopher. Repeat after me, "Yes, dear." Get accustomed to those two words.

Congratulations, Mark! :music: I hope to meet her at the Fest...

Congratulations, Mark. My only advice is this: the day is for you and your new wife, so please yourselves - the others are just along for the ride.
This man speaks the Truth.

We had a very small wedding, and did much of the work ourselves with some family help (small civil ceremony, MIL baked the cake, we did flowers and planning--centerpieces, FIL supplied some wine, family all cooked, an uncle helped with music, etc. It was in my wife's grandmother's backyard under a rented tent).

We had a blast, and my only regret was that we didn't get to eat enough of the yummy food (and this is now 20 years ago).

Congratulations Mark!

Rich has it right!

And... my wife's Sister did something very similar to Walker, with the family pitching in cooking and helping with decorations and planning/staffing the event. She only ended up paying a florist, and the venue, and the Pastor/organist/etc. at the church.

My wife bakes cakes as a hobby, and we are "Commercial photographers" :smoke: so we had quite a few bases covered going in. :D

A number of people have posted that the day is for you and your bride, so make yourselves happy. Your wedding day is not just for you & your bride, it's also for your families and friends. It's not a personal love fest meant only for the two of you. My bride and I had family & friends travel from around the country to attend our wedding. I'd rather be damned than have put on a shoddy reception because it saved me some money or effort. Our wedding reception budget in 1979 was $200, and my wife and I prepared all the food ourselves, and provided soda, beer and wine. Some of the guests brought stronger drink with them. You can have a reasonable budget and still do it right.

Are you sure you want to do this???? :D

Just remember to say yes ma'am after everything she says and you will be fine. :)

The two of you have to come up with a spending cap and then be ruthless is sticking to it. In the old days the father of the bride paid for the wedding (and gave a dowry). Now most couples pay for their own and they spend way more than a couple just starting out can afford. You should not go into debt for it. No how, no way. Problems over money is the number one reason for divorce. Why start off your marriage with debt from a wedding that will be a source of arguments for years when the bills are due each month? If you do decide to go into debt for the wedding for God's sake do not use credit cards. With the interest rates they charge it will take you a decade or more to pay it off. If you are tempted to go into debt sit down and figure out what the monthly payments will be and for how long, then look at what else you could use that money for over that time. I know people that spent $25k on their wedding. They will be paying $300 a month for the next ten years to pay it off. That's a car payment. That's a $75 a week date night. Think of that. For what they are paying for that one day they could have had $75 to spend on a weekly date night, every week for the next 10 years. Remember inexpensive doesn't mean cheap, and expensive doesn't mean nice.

Limit the guest list, really, really, limit the guest list. Immediate family, a few close friends, and a few extended family members you are very close to. Go for small and intimate. Don't worry that second cousin Wanda, whom you haven't seen in 10 years, is going to be upset that she wasn't invited because she used to babysit you when you were five. If the potential guest is someone that neither of you know very well, then I can guarantee they don't want to be invited. Nobody gets invited that you haven't seen in the last 5 years or talked to in the last 2. When in doubt give them a closeness test. If between the two of you, you cannot name at least 2 places the potential guest has worked, where they went to college, and at least 1 major passion or hobby, then you don't know the person well enough to invite them.

Congratulations! You have the most difficult part done. On to the fun part. Now that you know how much you can spend, and how many people are coming, you begin thinking of ideas for the location of the ceremony and the reception. If you have a small group you can do something really different and quirky and fun and memorable. What hobbies do you and your bride-to-be share? What cool historic locations are nearby? Do you have a special place you both love? Be creative and think of a way to really engage the guests in the whole day. It's a day for them to help you celebrate your love. Everyone has seen a big white wedding. It's modeled after an 18th century royal wedding. They are boring and expensive and no matter how much is spent or how elaborate, at the end, about that type of wedding, all anyone will say is it was beautiful as they yawn. Nobody will really remember it in two years. Make your wedding a day that your guests will talk about. Give them not just a fun day, but a great story.


Our wedding was anything but traditional. We lived together for a couple of years (bought a house together). When I was offered a transfer 1/2 way across the country we decided to get married before the move, which was two weeks off. With only two weeks to do everything, while at the same time preparing for a move and getting the house ready for sale, it had to be small. We decided to limit the guest list to parents and siblings. We had an inn near us that was founded in the 1700's that we both really liked so that took care of the location. Then we decided to invite each couple separately and tell them we wanted a nice dinner out with them before we moved. Then we would show up in a limo and thank them for coming to our wedding. We did, everyone cried when we picked them up. Then we stopped back out our house on the way and picked up our ring-bearer, our dog. The ceremony was done by my 85 year old Great Uncle who had been (and still was) a Justice of the Peace for the last 40 years. It was fun and it makes a fun story when I tell people. Much more so than one that starts: she wore a white dress and I wore a black tux and her bridesmaid's dresses were the most adorable shade of fuchsia.

Can I talk you out of it???

Don't skimp on photography unless you don't mind red eye photos. :no: We had a "friend" take our pictures and it was the worst mistake we made. Unless your "friend" is a professional and has professional equipment he/she knows how to operate, let the masters handle your photos.

Don't skimp on photography unless you don't mind red eye photos. :no:

+1. Whatever you do get a professional to photograph the day. Provide a disposable camera for each guest too. That way you'll have the nice professional shots of the main action as well as lots of great candid shots of the guests.

Provide a disposable camera for each guest too.

100 percent guarantee that at least one of your drunk friends will take a snapshot down his pants.

100 percent guarantee that at least one of your drunk friends will take a snapshot down his pants.

:D

Keep that picture away from the new bride! It will blow your "Mine is the biggest in the world" story.

100 percent guarantee that at least one of your drunk friends will take a snapshot down his pants.

You sound like you've been drunk a time or two :D

Congratulations!! IM me after the honeymoon is over so I can take that audio junk obsession (err collection) off your hands!:D

-Mike

Congratulations to you and your lovely bride Mark!
As long as the SMAC members don't know where the reception is at, you'll be fine. :D
Steve

As long as the SMAC members don't know where the reception is at, you'll be fine. :D
Steve

A very wise observation Steve!

Start working on your selective hearing...:D And another thing. From now on your audio purchases,if any,are going to cost twice as much...Reciever for me , new pair of shoes for her yada,yada,yada...:scratch2:

Men get married thinking their wife will never change, but she does. Women get married expecting men to change, but they don't.

Get a 1 gallon wine jug and some rolls of pennies. Every time you engage in a sexual act during the first year of marriage put a penny in the jar. After the first year take one out. You'll never empty the jar. :)

Almost forgot about the gift registry! Be sure to make a stop at the local hi end audio store to put some things you want on the list. Otherwise it will all be dishes and other boring stuff that she wants.

Thanks guys. I had totally forgotten about this post and don't often check in on this forum.

Thanks for the tip 'Toze but that ones already taken care of.

A little more info:
This will be my 2nd marriage and her one and only ever.
I'll probably join the VFW and look into hall rental prices through them.
We'll probably look into wedding chapels in the area.
Thinking about 75 people.


I guess that's about it. Thanks again guys and will read your replies again. Like I said, I forgot this was here.

Thinking about 75 people.


I guess that's about it. Thanks again guys and will read your replies again. Like I said, I forgot this was here.


As for the reception, what all are you looking at doing and how long do you plan on it lasting? (and spending?)

We had roughly 2-300 people at the reception, and it ran from about 5-midnight. Spent almost $1k on the DJ, but, IMHO, it was worth it. 7 Hours and he was a full time DJ, as opposed to a guy w/ a DJ Side job. He also knew how to read the crowd. My godparents, who hadn't danced to anything in 20+ years actually went out on the floor. :banana:

We scored on the cake too. Was...if memory serves, 9 separate layers, with bridges and stuff connecting them, and a fountain. Friend of the family pulled it together for us for about $100.

The caterers screwed us with bad (moldy) food and dropped the cake. We brought our own liquor (several cases), but the club kept about 2.5 cases of unopened bottles. I'm still pissed about that one, as we could have returned what we didn't use. In hindsight, 1 case of liquor, a few boxes of wine, and 2 kegs would have been enough. After that, end of the open bar, they can pay for their drinks.

Oh, and photographers are hit and miss. We hired a pro w/ pro equipment. He sucked. Almost 2 years later we still don't have all the pictures. Family members with their Wal-Mart point and click digital cameras did a far better job. Find a decent photographer (paid pro or not) to do the ceremony; don't waste on pictures for the reception. 10 friends and family with cameras will cover a reception better than one pro.


*sigh*

From a female professional organizer's standpoint:

Get one of your fiancee's organized friends to help out that day. Let this be her gift to you. Her duties would include:

Have her go to the rehearsal and learn who everybody is.
Get to the church early on the wedding day as the women are getting dressed.
Have a wedding emergency kit with her: bobby pins, safety pins, floral pins, scotch tape, needle and thread, extra panty hose, deoderant, etc.
She runs between the bride, the bride's mother, the florist, the church wedding planner, the photographer and is an extra pair of hands. This frees up the bride and her mother to just enjoy the day.
She makes sure the flowers are given to the right people.
She calls people into the church to have their photo taken.
She makes sure the guest book is picked up and taken to the reception, then packed up to go to the bride's parent's home.
She makes sure the bridal party rooms are cleared out and their personal belongings are put back in their cars.
She tapes envelopes on the gifts tightly.
She secures any wedding envelopes that are obviously money or gift cards.
She makes sure the gifts get from the church to the reception to the bride's home or parent's home.
She stands in the hallway to make sure no one goes into the bridal "get ready" room that the bride doesn't want to see. ( I once ran interference to make sure the bride's step mother did not come into the room).
She makes sure the marriage certificate is given to the bride's parents or whomever the bride selects.

I've done this job for about 3 weddings and the brides LOVE it. They do not need the stress on that day. It's stressful enough.

DUDE GET YOUR "TOYS" NOW! After your married its all over. Hun, can I get this? Is it allright if I buy a new set of speakers? Keep your own bank acount and credit cards. Trust me its easier this way.Oh yeah have fun on your honeymoon, THATS YOUR TIME!

I just saw this thread! CONGRATS SKI!!!! That's so awesome, my family wishes your family all the best! Here's a few things we did when we got married that held costs down, and worked great:

Photographers cost a ton of money, and most want to retain control of the photos so that you have to purchase overpriced copies from them. No Thank You. We were lucky to have a family member do film photography for us for free, but most of our most cherished images came from friends who used digital cameras. It seemed that every time we saw the photographer at our wedding, there were two or three other people there taking pics of the same thing. Another thing I've seen a lot of is disposable cameras at the reception hall, for people to take a photo or two and leave for the bride and groom to develop later, as they wish. I've also seen a bunch of weddings where the photographer basically takes over, and sequesters the bridal party forever getting a million images that really only a few of will be displayed for posterity. I'd highly recommend doing all that posed photography BS before the actual ceremony, if at all possible.

Second, I could not believe what DJs cost. I helped DJ a friend's wedding last year (ST-70 + Cornwalls = PA System), and it turned out awesome. A few buddies got together a few days before the event, we picked out songs that we knew they'd like, and some old party favorites (Just get those old records off the shelf! I'll go and listen to 'em by myself...). Avoided anything resembling controversy. The couple said it was one of the best gifts they got, and better than a "real DJ". For my wedding, I brought a pair of powered Sony speakers and my brother in law did the playlist. All of this was done off laptop computers. You just need 1 person who isn't shy to stand up at the right time to introduce people, tell the best man to make a toast, and tell people to eat.

I agree that if you're having an open bar, beer and wine only is fine.

My wife and I were engaged for about four months before we got married. Unlike some couples we knew that literally planned their weddings for two years, we don't remember a single "little thing" that went wrong. We remember all the fun we had, and the joyous occasion we spent with friends and family. Don't sweat the small stuff, and in the end, it's all small stuff.

Good luck to you guys!

WOW!

Thanks for all the info and suggestions.

As of right now it looks like it'll be next year.

Thanks again.
Mark

Did you actually expect real help from the people here. Seriously, practice your "yes dear"

Enjoy this year!

DUDE GET YOUR "TOYS" NOW! After your married its all over. Hun, can I get this? Is it allright if I buy a new set of speakers? Keep your own bank acount and credit cards. Trust me its easier this way.Oh yeah have fun on your honeymoon, THATS YOUR TIME!

Oh, Pshaw! You just have to marry a real gem like I did. :D