View Full Version : Firesign Theater Quotes


Jim Eck
09-14-2004, 06:27 AM
I have noticed several Firesign Theater quotes lately. I wasn't sure any of us could remember those years. Thought it might be fun to start a Firesign Theater quote thread.

I will start off with,

"Bear Whiz Beer, 'like my Daddy always said, son its in the water, that's why it's yellow.'"

"Bear Whiz Beer liquid products Animal Missouri."

Jim:beer: :beerchug:

shrinkboy
09-14-2004, 07:07 AM
Porgy....Tirebiter

He's a spy and a girl delighter,

Porgy, he's a student like you....

Like me? He's a student like you....

Porgy?!

(heavy, sexual breathing)

COOOMMMMMIIIIIINNNNNGGGGG MOTHER!



shrinkboy

listened obsessively to FST through the late 60's, earliest 70's

tentoze
09-14-2004, 07:10 AM
"You've got Globner's Disease."

Sandy G
09-14-2004, 07:12 AM
"There's one crawling up my leg !"-from "The Chinchilla Show" -Sandy G.

Jim Eck
09-14-2004, 07:18 AM
"Follow the rubber line to your sanitary pedestal"

We are all Bozos on this Bus

Jim

tentoze
09-14-2004, 07:40 AM
"Hiya, friends! Ralph Spoilsport, Ralph Spoilsport Motors - the world's largest new used and used new automobile dealership - Ralph Spoilsport motors - right here in the city of EMPHYSEMA! Let's just look at the extras on this fabulous car! Wire-wheel spoke fenders and two-way sneeze through wind vents, star-studded mud guard, sponge-coated edible steering column, chrome fender dents - and factory air conditioned air from our fully factory-equipped air conditioned factory! It's a beautiful car friends, with doors to match! Birch's Blacklist says this automobile was stolen, but for you friends a complete price: only two-ninety-five hundred dollars in easy monthly payments of twenty dollars a week , twice a week and never on Sunday!"

Jim Eck
09-14-2004, 07:57 AM
The Whisperin' Squash[singing]:

Back from the Shadows again !
Out where an In-jun's your friend!
Where the veg'tables are green,
And you can pee into the stream!
Yes, we're back from the Shadows again!

Reprise (Whisperin' with others):
We're goin' back to the Shadows again !
Out where an Indian's your friend!
Where the vegetables are green,
And you can pee right into the stream!
(And that's important!)
We're back from the Shadows again!

Celt
09-14-2004, 08:36 AM
New Ersatz Bros. Coffee, the REAL ONE !
(Look for the can on the plain brown can!)

More Sugar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shrinkboy
09-14-2004, 02:30 PM
WHAT IS REALITY????!!!!





shrinkboy

Reel 2 Reel
09-14-2004, 03:58 PM
Scene....A high school pep rally......



(principal Poop)...We think that is a fair ,and a wise guy..er...rule, to be guided by..

(student in audience)...What is reality?

(Poop)...and were not afraid of it ..are we??....

(student)....Eat it!!...

(poop).....You bet!

(student)....Eat it raw...

(poop).....raw...raw...raw....thats the spirits we have here

(poop)....So c'mon kids

(Student) ...f*ck you

(Poop)..line up ...sign up ..and renlist today!!...

Thank you ....and F*ck you too!!...




Scene...a game show ...with audience.....


(anouncer)........So heres your last deal Ms. Presky...now... which would would you rather do..........hit this dude over the head with a bag of sugar ...or beat out that rythm on the drums...


(Woman).......Er....ahhhhh....I'll take the bag


(anouncer)........You mean your gonna trade this four foot cube of 18 carrot Swiss Buollion ...........and the snake knives Mrs. Presky ........all for that little bag ....

(woman)........yea...

(anouncer........well alllllright!!...open it up!!.....

(woman).........why...why this is a bag of chit....

(anouncer)...........but its really great chit ...Mrs Presky......

radiolee
09-14-2004, 05:23 PM
May I see your passport please...................

Reel 2 Reel
09-14-2004, 05:43 PM
And dont-cha just love those 'Hot Buttered Groat Clusters'

and two tubs of slaw!!

Dave918
09-14-2004, 06:00 PM
Don't Crush that Dwarf, hand me the pliers

Dave918
09-14-2004, 06:04 PM
Before the beginning, there were hot lumps.

heathkit tv
09-14-2004, 06:37 PM
Looseners, the ALL weather breakfast cereal!

Don't get me started on this, I listen to them in the car while stuck in traffic. People stare at me (more than usual I mean) for laughing so hard.

Spreeeak Engrish troop!

Anthony

Jim Eck
09-14-2004, 07:35 PM
"Why....without your clothes on Miss Dudley..you are naked! A Miss Violet Dudely."

Reel 2 Reel
09-14-2004, 10:28 PM
You can believe me...because I never lie .......and I'm always right!!


(paid for by the Tirebiter for political soultions committy...sector 'R')

tentoze
09-14-2004, 10:35 PM
Antelope Freeway, 1/2 mile.

Jim Eck
09-15-2004, 06:23 AM
"Oh boy grump cakes again, heavy on the thirty weight."

"No, no don't eat with your hands use your entrenching tools."

tentoze
09-15-2004, 08:31 AM
"What about my pickle?!?!?"

Jim Eck
09-15-2004, 09:05 AM
"Be glad you still have your brown paper bag half pint."

tentoze
09-15-2004, 09:29 AM
"You haven't seen the last of me, Danger!"
\

Jim Eck
09-15-2004, 09:31 AM
"No but the first of you turns my stomach."

jimmymagick
09-15-2004, 09:51 AM
"That's a line of Indians leaving Rancho Malario to make room for you!!!"

"Gee, mom, haven't you finished that bridge yet?"

"Shoes for Industry! Shoes for the Dead!"

heathkit tv
09-15-2004, 11:32 AM
What kind of sap do you take me for?

First class (rate?)!

Jim Eck
09-15-2004, 11:40 AM
"Rocky Racocoa, I hadn't seen that weasel since High School."

"Hello, Danger."

Jim Eck
09-15-2004, 11:41 AM
"How do I make my voice do that?"

2DualsNotEnough
09-15-2004, 12:32 PM
"Its time to BEAT THE REAPER!"

2DualsNotEnough
09-15-2004, 12:36 PM
"Oil from Canada,gold from Mexico,Geese from the neighbors back yard......"

Mr Natural
09-15-2004, 09:21 PM
Indonesia for the Indonesians......

How can we best illustrate this stubborn principle of eternal consistency???

Let's stand him on his head! Now you see, it's morning!!!!

Aw c'mon you guys, I'm tired and the suns' going down. No no my boy, you're confused, the horizon's moving up!

and my FAVORITE:
"Well that OK cause I'm not Joe."
"and He's not Ed"(pointing at Joe)
"Hey fella, how about bending a couple in the dooda room, if you catch my meaning!"
"If ya get my drift!"


aw Geez......I could go on for hours here. These dialogs have been a part of my daily life for over 35 years. People think I'm a little strange when I go off on something Firesign, which I tend to do often. Tried playing several things for friends and co-workers and all I get is, "Man, you are weird!"
However, recently I have gotten a rather large rise from some in my lab from...."Giant Toad Supermarket..Attention all bargain hunters in the Richmond, Syracuse tri-city area, and all you people at Ed Seigelman's equal-opportunity appartmnets. Yes, our store manager, Darwin Paul, has opened up his pants early this Christmas, to let you in on the biggest in unhealable, DEEP CUT DISCOUNTSSSS........."
"Now, aglutinated beans, giant and hypo sized, 2 for 47cents."
"Ma Raineys' Mole skin Cookies. Buy the tin at $1.47"

Ok.....I'll go back to work.....
Natch:blah:

Mr Natural
09-15-2004, 09:32 PM
Originally posted by tentoze
"Hiya, friends! Ralph Spoilsport, Ralph Spoilsport Motors - the world's largest new used and used new automobile dealership - Ralph Spoilsport motors - right here in the city of EMPHYSEMA! Let's just look at the extras on this fabulous car! Wire-wheel spoke fenders and two-way sneeze through wind vents, star-studded mud guard, sponge-coated edible steering column, chrome fender dents - and factory air conditioned air from our fully factory-equipped air conditioned factory! It's a beautiful car friends, with doors to match! Birch's Blacklist says this automobile was stolen, but for you friends a complete price: only two-ninety-five hundred dollars in easy monthly payments of twenty dollars a week , twice a week and never on Sunday!"

SCREEEEECH....."Ralph, Ralph, I'll take it! I can't WAIT to get away from it all!"
"Well OK, fine! Let's just take a look inside your beautiful new home! C'mon in!"
.....................
"Can I get Duluth?"
"Duluth? Bucko, you can get Tierra del Fuego!"
.....................
"Odesius!? Odesius!?"
"Cyrus my friend. What has happened to your nose?"
"I've just returned from Rome!"
"Oh, what news do you bring?"
"Horrible, horrible news......"

Jim Eck
09-16-2004, 06:19 AM
"Deputy Dan has no Friends"

"I was a cock teaser at Roosterama"

"Daredemon Rebus Cannibus and his death defying leap...to the center of the Earth."

Sandy G
09-16-2004, 06:29 AM
A lot of this stuff makes absolutely no sense at all unless you were around "back then". And if you were, it STILL doesn't. Which is the point...-Sandy G.

Reel 2 Reel
09-16-2004, 07:37 AM
Its reely funny..two days before this thread was posted...i was listening to "Dont't Crush That Dwarf,Hand Me The Pliers"... on the musicmatch service.....before that I haven't heard it in about a decade and a half before that nice redundant statement there!!..curtisy of the Department of Redundancy Department...sector 'R' ...(lost the LP somewhere....:dunno:)

But I still use quotes from it in everyday life...for instance...when I call my borther on the Nextel..I call him "Hey Ahchoe"... from the 'Peco and Alverado' clip' in the war movie segement.....and 'Errrrrrrr ...Comming Mother' ..when the wife calls...

Steak knives are ... 'Snake Knives'

and the ...'United Snakes'

the 'Natural Guard'...

Scene changes in moveis...I say out loud... "The Next Morning"... from the coffee comercial with the Warden.....


Its amazing how the little things sculpt our lives in the smallest ways!!....

Jim Eck
09-16-2004, 07:53 AM
Even after all of the years I can still listen and pick up things that I either missed or don't remember. They will always be a classic for some of us. The comedy/parody/satire was something that you not only listened to, you had to think a little about it.

Its amazing how much we do remember from a time that the experts claimed we would not remember because of what we may or may not have been doing.

I can tell by the pie on your tie
you're an American, well so am I!
Hi bub, How are ya? How do ya' do?
And while we're on the subject...
And while we're on the subject...
And while we're on the subject
How's your old Wazoo ?!

Jim

:beatnik:

Mr Natural
09-16-2004, 08:09 AM
Originally posted by Jim Eck
Even after all of the years I can still listen and pick up things that I either missed or don't remember. They will always be a classic for some of us. The comedy/parody/satire was something that you not only listened to, you had to think a little about it.

Its amazing how much we do remember from a time that the experts claimed we would not remember because of what we may or may not have been doing.

I can tell by the pie on your tie
you're an American, well so am I!
Hi bub, How are ya? How do ya' do?
And while we're on the subject...
And while we're on the subject...
And while we're on the subject
How's your old Wazoo ?!

Jim

:beatnik:

How's THE old wazoo?!

Dood...get it right!;) let the air out of your shoes and prepare yourself for a period of simulated relxation.

Jim Eck
09-16-2004, 08:29 AM
Thanks!:dunno: Guess I don't remember!

"So what are you going to do after we graduate Jughead?"

Forward into the Past

tentoze
09-16-2004, 09:42 AM
Living in Las Vegas, I use this one a lot:

"All out for Fort Stinking Desert."

mhardy6647
09-16-2004, 10:13 AM
But I still use quotes from it in everyday life...for instance...when I call my borther on the Nextel..I call him "Hey Ahchoe"... from the 'Peco and Alverado' clip' in the war movie segement.....and 'Errrrrrrr ...Comming Mother' ..when the wife calls...

We're big fans of absurdist humor at Casa H, but I pretty much missed Firesign Theater the first time around. Maybe not enough recreational pharmacology in college?


That being said, most of my browwed catchphrases come from British comedy: Monty Python, but especially from Red Dwarf

Some Dwarvish examples:

"Got my Thermos..." (a la Duane Dibley)

"We're moving in the right direction now!"


And from the Red Dwarf episode "White Hole" (IMO probably the single funniest and most clever half-hour of television ever created)...

"I think we've just encountered the middle of this conversation"

"Because there are no sounds to hear..."

"Something fairly sturdy, about six feet long, with a flat top..."

"I'm fine, thank you Susan"

"I'm not pished"

"Intended. Played for and got... prince of the planet potters"


Smoke me a kipper, skipper...

heathkit tv
09-16-2004, 11:07 AM
Originally posted by Jim Eck

How's your old Wazoo ?!

What's that all about?

Anthony

tentoze
09-16-2004, 11:25 AM
"O Blinding Light, O Light That Blinds....."

Jim Eck
09-16-2004, 11:52 AM
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Jim Eck

How's your old Wazoo ?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's that all about?
Anthony

From a song on How can you be in two places at once when you are not anywhere at all.

Album cover Marx Lennon

Groucho and John

Mr Natural
09-16-2004, 11:58 AM
Originally posted by heathkit tv
What's that all about?

Anthony

What's it all about, Mr and Mrs John Q smith, from Anytown, USA?
Well, It's about this long
and about this wide
and its about this country, which we're singing about...

Jim Eck
09-16-2004, 12:02 PM
A little song I learned upstream in prison one day.


This land is made of mountains,
This land is made of mud,
This land has lots of everything
For me and Elmer Fudd.
This land has lots of trouser,
This land has lots of mausers,
And pussy cats to eat them
when the sun goes down!

tentoze
09-16-2004, 12:11 PM
Originally posted by Jim Eck
A little song I learned upstream in prison one day.


This land is made of mountains,
This land is made of mud,
This land has lots of everything
For me and Elmer Fudd.
This land has lots of trouser,
This land has lots of mausers,
And pussy cats to eat them
when the sun goes down!

Gawd, what a tune! Should be the national anthem!

"The troubles not in the piles. or my piles..........."

heathkit tv
09-16-2004, 12:25 PM
Originally posted by Jim Eck
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Jim Eck

How's your old Wazoo ?!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



From a song on How can you be in two places at once when you are not anywhere at all.

Album cover Marx Lennon

Groucho and John

Yessirree Bob, I knew where that quote was from, it was actually the next line in that skit. Note my emphasis (emphysema?) on "that" as that was the way the line was delivered.

Let's horse whip him
Anybody got a horse?

Anthony

Jim Eck
09-16-2004, 12:30 PM
I realized that after my reply Anthony, sorry for not picking up on it soon enough. Mr. Natural pick it up and went with it like a pro.


I am going home after work and spin some Firesign tonight, the kids will know I'm nuts.

"Dead Cat Soap, there's a dead cat in every bar."

Mr Natural
09-16-2004, 12:43 PM
Yeeeees, live in the future, now. It's right around the buforner.
The Future Fair.
A fair for all and no fair to anybody.
Yeeeees, it's free.
Join the expectant crowd, as we gather here on: "DutchElm street"
.................................................. .................................................

Yoooouuu'll thrill as we ride along with Salamander Mark Time and his anxious android 'Chucko' the rocket robot as we travel thru the black holes of Space.
Mark, Mark, they are performing experiments on humans in space...BANG!....'ank you...!
Yes I need some brave boys and girls who aren't afraid to live outside the laes of gravity, folks who like to live in tubes and push buttons, People like YOU!

just remember:
the future is fun
the future is fair
you may already have won
you may already be there.
Hello....we're glad you made it. Welcome to the future!!

How do I like the future? Well, the future ain't here yet man.
I say live it or live with it.
right on!
straight Ahaid!

tentoze
09-16-2004, 12:55 PM
"How does he make his voice do that?"

Mr Natural
09-16-2004, 01:02 PM
Saw Proctor and Bergman around the late 70's to early 80's at a popular venue called "My Father's Place" on long Island, right before their duet album was released.
So they are doing the routine of "The Rise and Fall of the Roaming Umpire." I hope some of you are familliar with this. So the skit is rolling on and comes to the part where Caeser is stabbed with the ketchup bottle, "Speak for me 57 Flavors!!!" STAB!
Down goes Peter. My friend yells out, exactly at the moment, "He's no fun, he fell right over!"
Well....P&B, along with the entire audience, go into a fit of uncontrolled, hysterical laughter. They were absolutely unable to continue from laughing so much. Finally, THEY give my friend a standing ovation for that line, and for being such good sports for being out comic'd. It was hysterical

Funny thing was, if you know the album, it has been added into the sketch, but said kinda 'sotto voche'.

heathkit tv
09-16-2004, 04:47 PM
I too saw the whole gang (or should that be HOLE gang?) at Carnegie hall in the early (?) 70's. At one point while during intermission every one was getting restless so I started a paper airplane war from my balcony seat. Just as all the fellers came back onstage my last airplane made this outstanding triple loop and landed smack dab on the stage. The guys and the audience were agog at this......don't remember which of the ensemble, but some of them applauded me for this daring feat. I'll be signing autographs out in the hall after the performance. Thank you and good night!

Anthony (try the veal)

dr*audio
09-16-2004, 05:50 PM
Open up, Your doorknocker fell off!
What's all this bruhaha?
Bruhaha? Ha. ha ,ha ,ah.
You can't there from here.
But I'm looking for the same old place.
Oh, you mean the old Same Place. It's right out back, here's the key.
(I got 2 lids out in the car. Thanks, Rocky.)

Anybody ever see the movies?
I saw Nasi Goreng and Martian Space Party at a long defunct theater in Cleveland Heights.
Still have a couple albums on vinyl:
Waiting for the Electrician
I Think We're All Bozos On This Bus

My friends and I used to quote this stuff all the time in high school.

Jim Eck
09-17-2004, 06:18 AM
"Well that's fuel under the reactor now Mr. Time."

"You know the plan Bob, you get the guards attention by urinating through the cell door window."

"Tune in next time, same Fire Time, same Fire Station, for Maaark Tiiime!"

Chris_in_PA
09-17-2010, 10:02 AM
:banana:

"Antelope freeway 2 miles...."

------------------------------------

"White lightening, white lightening, this is ground beef control, do you read me, over"

"I read only good books, over"

=====================================
Got turned on to them in High School, found one of the 2 albums I had bought, "Don't crush that Dwarf, Hand me the Pliers"

I noticed that if you listen to one album at the end, you'll hear the last part of the last track on the next album......

diamondsouled
09-17-2010, 11:10 AM
"Why this ... why this is a bag of shit! Yes but it's really good shit Mrs.Presky."

Cheers

Lar

Bucky Badger
09-17-2010, 12:43 PM
"But everyone knew her as Nancy."

mr.jones
09-17-2010, 12:43 PM
" Shoes for industry! Shoes for the dead!"

" Live it or live with it"

Cant get this stuff out of your head once you hear.

BULLWINKLE
09-17-2010, 01:11 PM
A lot of this stuff makes absolutely no sense at all unless you were around "back then". And if you were, it STILL doesn't. Which is the point...-Sandy G.

Yeppers. +1

dr*audio
09-17-2010, 01:49 PM
"All for one... and all for one! Let me hear it for me"
"You're under arrest!"
"I need to find a gas station, did I just pass one?"
"No, but the fox did. Squeeze him right there, maybe he'll pass another one."
"That's it, you've made it. Welcome to Side Six. Follow in your book as we learn our next three words in Turkish. Towel. Bath. Border. May I see your passport please?"

spaceman
09-17-2010, 02:30 PM
Now how'd I miss this thread? :scratch2: Oh yeah, it took place long before I found AK. Apparently, I'm late getting to the future, or missed the mark entirely. Hmmm, which way did we go? :D

12ax7
09-17-2010, 03:05 PM
Ah.. Clem.

pustelniakr
09-17-2010, 03:35 PM
"Everything YOU know is WRONG!"

"It was hotter than Hooker in Heater today, and hotter than Heater in Hellmouth, where the high was 137 degrees with THUNDERSHOWERs anticipated later, this evening."

"Yes my brother Gog was right. How were we to know the comet would land right in the middle of our giant warehouse. It's a cataclymic sale down here. We're up to our poor necks..You're crazy we got'em. Your nap will rise again and that's my story...Good god its Magog brothers, Atlantis Carpet Reclaimers, serving Hooker, Heater, Hellmouth, and the low desert area."

"See that big ol' bear lappin' up that good ol' country water. Sure makes big hairy guy like me thirsty. That's when I wrap my lips around a tall sweaty head of a bottle of good ol' country Bear Whiz Bear. Like my pappy said, "Son, it's in the water. That's why its yellow." Bear Whiz Bear, Liquid Products Brewery, Animal Missouri."

Enjoy,
Rich P

islapapa
09-17-2010, 04:04 PM
...and now for the rumors behind the news...

diamondsouled
09-17-2010, 06:53 PM
Now how'd I miss this thread? :scratch2: Oh yeah, it took place long before I found AK. Apparently, I'm late getting to the future, or missed the mark entirely. Hmmm, which way did we go? :D

"We're glad you made it (spaceman).Welcome to the future."

"A fair for all and no fare for anybody!"

http://stason.org/TULARC/humour/firesign-theatre-lexicon/Firesign-Theatre-Lexicon-F.html

----

Cheers

Lar

spaceman
09-17-2010, 07:21 PM
Now I get it, FTAEBGB. :smoke: "I hope he gets back before all this dry ice melts". :D I need to finish fixin' th' turntable, there are 9 FT recordings here (mostly thanks to spartanmanor), & I've only heard a few, long ago. Or was that pretty soon? :scratch2:

diamondsouled
09-17-2010, 07:35 PM
A Child's Garden of Grass was also done by FST anonymously.

http://sirpsych.blogspot.com/2007/09/childs-garden-of-grass-1970.html

Cheers

Lar

Robie
09-17-2010, 07:42 PM
"And there's hamburger all over the highway in Mystic, Connecticut."

spaceman
09-17-2010, 08:01 PM
A Child's Garden of Grass was also done by FST anonymously.

http://sirpsych.blogspot.com/2007/09/childs-garden-of-grass-1970.html

Cheers

Lar

THAT's the first one I ever heard. When I was 15 or 16 (mid-70s), my older step-sister turned me on to it. Then when I was 17, my brother-in-law had a few albums. "HELP, I'm locked in the refrigerator!" :lmao: :D EDIT: WOOHOO, not only is it downloadable, but I also found a full box of Cheez-Its in the kitchen. :D

spaceman
09-17-2010, 08:35 PM
Oh, I can unzip the file pretty easy, but gettin' the Cheez-Its open might be a little tricky. :scratch2: ;)

diamondsouled
09-17-2010, 08:50 PM
Oh, I can unzip the file pretty easy, but gettin' the Cheez-Its open might be a little tricky. :scratch2: ;)

OK. So are Cheez-Its puffy or crunchy? :D

I wonder if anyone has ever been busted because they left cheez-its prints at the scene? :scratch2:

... She's no fun, she fell right over. Wait a minute...didn't I say that on the other side of the record. Where am I? I better check...

BULLWINKLE
09-17-2010, 08:59 PM
Ra Ra Ra that's the spirit we have here at More Science High!

spaceman
09-17-2010, 09:29 PM
OK. So are Cheez-Its puffy or crunchy? :D

I wonder if anyone has ever been busted because they left cheez-its prints at the scene? :scratch2:

... She's no fun, she fell right over. Wait a minute...didn't I say that on the other side of the record. Where am I? I better check...

Sorry about that, I forgot you were a foreigner, & might not know what Cheez-Its are. :p: ;) They're just little cheese flavored crackers, so pretty crunchy normally, unless you put jelly on them, or drink coffee with them, or drink water with them, or drink ANYTHING with them. I suppose you could even drink beer with them, which would be appropriate, while listening to "The Beer Song". I forgot all about that. Beer beer beer, beer beer beer, beer, beer, beer beer beer (repeat). :D

diamondsouled
09-17-2010, 09:37 PM
Sorry about that, I forgot you were a foreigner, & might not know what Cheez-Its are. :p: ;) They're just little cheese flavored crackers, so pretty crunchy normally, unless you put jelly on them, or drink coffee with them, or drink water with them, or drink ANYTHING with them. I suppose you could even drink beer with them, which would be appropriate, while listening to "The Beer Song". I forgot all about that. Beer beer beer, beer beer beer, beer, beer, beer beer beer (repeat). :D

Foreigner? :D Yah I saw Foreigner live at Rich Stadium in Buffalo:yes:

"Why does the porridge bird lay it's egg in the air?"

Cheers

Lar

sfox52
09-17-2010, 09:58 PM
The one that really sticks with me is: "Don't worry about the flies, we won't weigh them! " from the Big Toad commercial.

catrafter
09-17-2010, 10:20 PM
How I remember this I don't have a clue.
'Trickster, Tex Tirebiter takes on twelve, two-bit truck stop tricks in a Truckee trailer court.'

Tom

diamondsouled
09-17-2010, 10:55 PM
Anyone remember seeing a movie by Proctor and Bergman back in 70's called Eye TV or sumpin like that? I can't seem to find any trace of it, mmmmm.:scratch2:

http://www.firesigntheatre.com/albums/index2.html

Cheers

Lar

OneMalt
09-18-2010, 03:23 AM
"It's like a salt-filled pancake upon the body politic of the nation."

70salesguy
09-18-2010, 07:42 AM
Squeeze the wheeze, many people do.

pezzzzx
09-18-2010, 09:47 AM
Nick, Nick, Nicky, Nick, Nick.


Crite’s modified Fortes, Crites modified Cornwall IIs, Marantz 1060, Marantz 140 amp,Marantz 170DC amp, Marantz 240 amp, Marantz 250 amp, Marantz 3200,Marantz 3300, Marantz 3600, Marantz 115B Tuner, Marantz 105 Tuner.
A Gaggle of Carver receivers, Ohm 2's, Dahlquist 9's, Denon Cd,
Technics SL-Q2 and an AR-XA. A Grant Fidelity Tube processor.

"Good Music, Single Malt and Old Motorcycles"

Robie
09-18-2010, 09:47 AM
"Fun's over, back on the bus!"

dr*audio
09-18-2010, 02:30 PM
"You guys are nothing but a pack of cards!"
"Drink me, drink me."

"Guard, I want to see my ambassador!"
"Easily done; he's in the next cell."

diamondsouled
09-18-2010, 03:38 PM
Here's a longer one:

"We know for certain, for instance, for some reason for some time in the beginning there were hot lumps. Cold and lonely, they whirled noiselessly through the black holes of space. These insignificant lumps came together to form the first union: our Sun, the heating system. And about this glowing gasbag rotated the Earth.

We were covered with a molten scum of rock, bobbing on the surface like rats. Later, when there was less heat, these giant rock groups settled down among the land masses. During this extinct time, our earth was like a steam room - and no one, not even man, could get in. However, the oceans and the sewers were simmering with a rich protein stew and the mountains moved in to surround and protect them. They didn't know then that living, as we know it, was already taken over.

Animals without backbones hid from each other, or fell down. Clambasaurs and oysterettes appeared as appetizers - then came the sponges, which sucked up about 10 percent of all life. Hundreds of years later, in the late Devouring Period, the fish became obnoxious. Trailerbites, Chickerbites, and Mosqwitoes collided aimlessly in the dense gas. Finally, tiny edible plants sprang up in rows - giving birth to generations of insecticides and other small, dying creatures.

Millions of months passed and, 28 days later, the moon appeared. This small change was reflected best, perhaps, in the sand dollar, which shrank to almost nothing in the bottom of the pool. Where even dumb amphibians like catfish laid their eggs in the boiling waters, only to be gobbled up every 3 minutes by the giant sea orphans (which scared everybody).

And so, in fear and hot water, man is born:

"I am La Brea man, I am first man - wife and I live in pits. I discover pain and boredom and how to use hands in self-defense."

"I am his son, I am called Plow Man - I was the first to dig the earth and make the rivers run backwards. There was no stopping me."

"I am his many cousins - I chip the stone. I smelt the rock. I lay the asphalt. Together, we made enough noise to keep the wolves awake."

"I am his godson, Civilized Man. I harnessed the secret of the calendar and the power of the wig to build the pyramids."

"I am his mentor, Hypocricies. I put him through school, where he learned to stand up for a principle and sit down on his own stool."

"I am his father, Caesarian. I sent him away from home for something to live on and paid him to fight over it."

So now, everywhere he went, man dropped a great load of knowledge - forming a rich compost where slumbered the modifying spark of humanity."

----

Cheers

Lar

2526
09-20-2010, 09:08 AM
"That's a line of Indians leaving Rancho Malario to make room for you!!!"

Be sure to play our new "Trail of Tears" golf course!

Jim Eck
09-20-2010, 09:35 AM
Anyone remember seeing a movie by Proctor and Bergman back in 70's called Eye TV or sumpin like that? I can't seem to find any trace of it, mmmmm.:scratch2:

http://www.firesigntheatre.com/albums/index2.html

Cheers

Lar

I have an Lp of Proctor and Bergman from the 70's called TV or Not TV, it has some good cuts on it, could be related.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TV_or_not_TV

Nasi Goring, and the Pills Brothers on Drugs




Jim

Ed in Tx
09-20-2010, 10:27 AM
If you get the chance watch "J-Men Forever" Proctor and Bergman's treatment of a bunch of old Republic serial films. Absolutely high-larious! Used to be a shown on the old USA Network's Night Flight in the early '80s.

Robie
09-20-2010, 10:53 AM
"I know you are or you wouldn't be here!"

Jim Eck
09-20-2010, 12:06 PM
"Shoes for Industry, shoes for the Dead."

Jim

Darr
09-20-2010, 03:59 PM
Paul Robeson (singing): Ol' man river...
Director: ribber; ribber

Robie
09-20-2010, 04:45 PM
"Er, smaller but cleaner!"

12ax7
09-20-2010, 10:59 PM
Hey Pablo! He broke the President!

Jim Eck
09-21-2010, 04:42 AM
"Pass the lord and praise the ammunition"

Jim

ekimetsok
09-21-2010, 07:51 AM
"..I don't know why you people seem to think this is magic. It's just this little chromium switch here..."

"...want some more cotton dandy Danger? It might sober you up."

"...right after I graduate, I'm gonna cut the soles off my shoes, climb a tree and learn to play the flute."

Jim Eck
09-21-2010, 09:52 AM
"Be glad you still have your pickle half pint"

Tinitus
09-21-2010, 12:12 PM
"Oh boy! Now we can discover tacos!"

Bucky Badger
09-21-2010, 12:51 PM
regnaD kciN

Bucky Badger
09-21-2010, 12:57 PM
"And stop calling me Fred, my names Adolph"

ekimetsok
09-21-2010, 02:06 PM
What a sap she had!

dr*audio
09-21-2010, 03:11 PM
"Injuns! Pull the wagons into a circle!"
"Why do you always do that?"
"We get better reception that way."

ekimetsok
09-21-2010, 04:42 PM
".....now back to our morning concert of afternoon showtime favorites, The Magic Bowl Movement from the Symphony in C Minus by Johann Amadeus Majesky".

OneMalt
09-21-2010, 05:44 PM
...the Hawaiian Hallucination Song...

ekimetsok
09-21-2010, 06:02 PM
"It goes in, it must come out: Fudd's First Law of Opposition".

diamondsouled
09-21-2010, 06:16 PM
"Let's see...Ocelots. Paupers. Pipe-nipples, Polombras, Pizzas! Armenian Gardens
..Hank's Juggernaut... New Leviathan...Nick's Swell..."

spaceman
09-21-2010, 08:57 PM
"No matter how much you may dislike pickles, it is, after all, the only thing you can do with cucumbers."

OneMalt
09-21-2010, 09:48 PM
"Deputy Dan has no friends."

Jim Eck
09-22-2010, 04:52 AM
I was a cock teaser at Roosterama.

Bucky Badger
09-24-2010, 10:36 PM
" You can sit here in the waiting room or you can wait here in the sitting room."

OvenMaster
09-24-2010, 10:52 PM
"I'm high on the real thing: powerful gasoline, a clean windshield, and a shoeshine"

diamondsouled
09-24-2010, 11:32 PM
"Mmmmmm, Barney."

http://firezine.net/faq/index2.html

jim t
09-25-2010, 12:17 AM
Starchie, where's your school spirit? It under the rumble seat. You want a snort? Squeeze the fox here and you'l get gas. Revenernd Happy Harry Cox, I will smite thine enemies with the divine rod of delivernce. I just goes down to honk my horn.

Jim Eck
07-03-2011, 10:11 AM
"Be happy you still have your pickle half pint."



Jim

Dee Mento
07-03-2011, 02:26 PM
"Here, use one of the pages of me novel."

dosmalo
07-03-2011, 03:39 PM
"May I take your hat and goat??"

diamondsouled
07-03-2011, 04:53 PM
Trailerbites,
Chiggerbites
and Mosquitoes
collided aimlessly
in the dense gas.

~ Bozos ~

Jim Eck
07-03-2011, 06:24 PM
More Sugar!

Jim

Bucky Badger
12-01-2011, 01:37 PM
Just a heads up for you folks in the PNW.
And yes, I do think that we are all Bozos on this bus. :yes:
Come on, give the wheeze a squeeze.


http://firesigntheatre.com/index.php

70salesguy
12-01-2011, 08:46 PM
Come on, give the wheeze a squeeze.


http://firesigntheatre.com/index.php

Many people do.

meandog
12-02-2011, 01:05 AM
It's the cocaine helicopter.

rnorton
12-02-2011, 01:56 AM
Even after all of the years I can still listen and pick up things that I either missed or don't remember. They will always be a classic for some of us. The comedy/parody/satire was something that you not only listened to, you had to think a little about it.

Its amazing how much we do remember from a time that the experts claimed we would not remember because of what we may or may not have been doing.

I can tell by the pie on your tie
you're an American, well so am I!
Hi bub, How are ya? How do ya' do?
And while we're on the subject...
And while we're on the subject...
And while we're on the subject
How's your old Wazoo ?!

Jim

:beatnik:

If you push something hard enough, it WILL fall over: Teslicle's Deviant to Fudd's first law.

If it goes in here it must come out there.

rnorton
12-02-2011, 01:59 AM
"Mmmmmm, Barney."

http://firezine.net/faq/index2.html

Uh-Clem.

diamondsouled
12-02-2011, 03:17 AM
"Don't forget to inflate your shoes kid."

johnenockson
12-02-2011, 03:24 AM
Nairobi ma'am, isn't everybody?

Robie
12-02-2011, 07:47 AM
"She had a balcony you could do Shakespeare from!"

Bucky Badger
12-02-2011, 11:21 AM
Firesign is doing the sunny Pacific Northwest with Portland shows on Dec. 9th and 10th.

http://www.firesigntheatre.com/index.php

Come on you Bozos, get on the bus.
Antelope freeway 1/8th mile.

1tumbleweed
12-02-2011, 11:29 AM
Civilization....Ho!

jim t
12-02-2011, 12:27 PM
Marching, Marching, off to Omaha. I'm not high on false drugs, but on gasoline.

ifearbanjos
12-02-2011, 12:40 PM
"Splatter proof vinyl bag with your initials. Seven diving boards, no wating!"

2526
12-02-2011, 12:50 PM
Rocky Rococo, at your cervix.

Giant Toad Supermarket
Don't worry about the flies - we won't weigh 'em.

eljr
01-25-2012, 09:27 AM
Is this the longest running thread here at AK?

It was opened 71/2 years ago, 09-14-2004, 07:27 AM.

Speaks well of this group I'd say.:smoke:

Jim Eck
01-25-2012, 09:51 AM
Some are about 10 years old.

More sugar!

Jim

Robie
01-25-2012, 02:04 PM
"Eat it. Eat it, rah, rah, rah!"

Henry Kloss
01-25-2012, 04:38 PM
You may sit hear in the waiting room or wait here in the sitting room.

spaceman
01-25-2012, 05:12 PM
I'm all discombobulated.

2526
01-25-2012, 06:24 PM
A cave is just a whole lot of side.

sKiZo
01-25-2012, 06:43 PM
An irreverent mixture of verbal slapstick, zany sound effects and silly voices, to the uninitiated Firesign’s work for radio can be little grating. Yet, as they draw you in to their world what makes them special, what makes this “zoo” unique, are the casually tossed asides about masturbating dentists, ego death and a brief soliloquy in which God takes up residence in an empty green room inside the head of one of the character’s dogs.


As Philip Proctor put it in an interview with Richard Metzger ...
“First we seduced you into the clubhouse then you found yourself paying attention to the man behind the curtain.”

.
.
.

Ya, I know ... quoting of a quote is cheating.

Bailiff? Whack my pee pee!!

spaceman
01-25-2012, 06:46 PM
While we're still on the ground, let's look around and see where we are.

spaceman
01-25-2012, 06:59 PM
...from the Tomb of the Unregistered Voter... :D

spaceman
01-27-2012, 12:14 AM
And as some Chinese philosopher once said, dig a hole deep enough, and everyone will want to jump in it.

spaceman
01-27-2012, 12:27 AM
In case of an alien encounter while in an aircraft, 1) Crawl under your seat & look away, 2) avoid eye contact, and 3) In the absence of eyes, avoid ALL contact. :D

Robie
01-27-2012, 07:26 AM
"The Bureau of Lost Electricity Reclamation"

eljr
01-27-2012, 07:35 AM
In case of an alien encounter while in an aircraft, 1) Crawl under your seat & look away, 2) avoid eye contact, and 3) In the absence of eyes, avoid ALL contact. :D

you really are a spaceman!:banana:

Jim Eck
01-30-2012, 05:47 AM
And as some Chinese philosopher once said, dig a hole deep enough, and everyone will want to jump in it.

Rebus Cannibus and his leap to the center of the earth.

Jim

Flash Bazmo
03-18-2013, 08:57 PM
follow in your books and repeat after me as we learn our next thee words in Turkish.....


I have noticed several Firesign Theater quotes lately. I wasn't sure any of us could remember those years. Thought it might be fun to start a Firesign Theater quote thread.

I will start off with,

"Bear Whiz Beer, 'like my Daddy always said, son its in the water, that's why it's yellow.'"

"Bear Whiz Beer liquid products Animal Missouri."

Jim:beer: :beerchug:

Robie
03-19-2013, 07:37 AM
"Yes, living it Today's complex world of the future is a little like having bees live in your head. But there they are."

Omegaman
03-19-2013, 08:57 AM
We love how you native Americans can instantly adapt and survive in whatever God forsaken wilderness we send you to...out there...sign here

We dedicate the Fort Stinking Desert National Indian Monument ...and cobalt testing range

You see that dehydrated horse, they do that

beans
03-19-2013, 09:28 AM
My brother & I have a lot of fun texting Firesign quotes back and forth. But our favorites are from Roller Maidens From Outer Space, which was really a Phil Austin production, but features the voices of all 4 of them. It was re-released on a deluxe CD a few years ago, so you owe it to yourselves to find a copy. It is definitely one of the weirdest things in the whole collection.

beans
03-19-2013, 09:40 AM
[QUOTE=2526;5188966]Rocky Rococo, at your cervix.

Suddenly he stopped on a dime. Unfortunately the dime was in Mr. Rococo's pocket.

Ed in Tx
03-19-2013, 10:44 AM
Worth a watch if you haven't seen "J-Men Forever" in a while, if ever..:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzpBmDD8no8

Showed on the old USA Network's Night Flight back in early '80s.

jimreeves
03-19-2013, 12:13 PM
Let's get down to business...
Uncross those beautiful stems of yours, baby, here's the case I call "Number 666".
It all began innocently enough on Tuesday. I was sitting in my office on that drizzly afternoon listening to the monotonous staccato of rain on my desk top and reading my name on the glass of my office door.

R-E-G-N-A-D K-C-I-N

My secretary lay snoring on the floor, her long, beautiful gams pinioned under the couch.
I didn't hear him enter, but my nostrils flared at the smell of his perfume: Pyramid Patchouli.
There was only one joker in L.A. sensitive enough to wear that scent, and I had to find out WHO HE WAS...

beans
03-19-2013, 12:14 PM
Worth a watch if you haven't seen "J-Men Forever" in a while, if ever..:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzpBmDD8no8

Showed on the old USA Network's Night Flight back in early '80s.

RIP, Pete Bergman

spaceman
03-19-2013, 12:22 PM
You don't know disco from Crisco. :lmao: Thanks, Ed. :thmbsp:

Robie
03-20-2013, 07:28 AM
My longstanding tag line ^ above has and always will be one of my favorites.

To this day I have no idea what that means, but......

New one: "The bees and spiders have done jammed the police lock. I ain't been inside for a week and I know my wife is sleepin' with the bees."

beans
03-30-2013, 01:05 PM
Stop eating with your hands and use your entrenching tool.

AU20K
03-30-2013, 11:22 PM
killedanotherone

gmcneil99
09-13-2014, 05:22 AM
Shadow Valley Condoms, If you lived here you'd be home by now!

2526
09-13-2014, 05:52 AM
from a supermarket commercial: "Don't worry about the flies, we won't weigh 'em!"

Fleischer
09-13-2014, 10:51 PM
"Odysseus, Odysseus…."

"Cyrus, my friend, what has happened to your nose?"

2526
09-14-2014, 05:21 AM
"I've just returned from Rome!"

BigVoyevoda
09-14-2014, 06:40 AM
from a 23 year old guy....


im not sure it was too healthy to just read those 3 pages :)

Robie
09-14-2014, 07:41 AM
"Big light in sky slated to appear in east."