With the poetic minds we have here, let's see what you guys can come up with :D

Your a brave man Tim! :D

-Dave

'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'Cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin Was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

That Bubba got scared And rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12; Jim Bob was 11;
Dud goin' on 10; Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls So they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, No need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, Then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack That hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns; They grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns, "Now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do Is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting And needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared; He could not say a word.
This was just like all of the stories he'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, Darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know; They was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "Don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin' And a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, And called them by name.
"Down, Spot! Shut up Bullet! Quiet, Pete and Roscoe!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"

"Git down from that porch! Git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, Or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' And wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, But left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped He just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, Told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble Santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer Got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, But Bubba didn't care.

He was busy lookin' At all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, And he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, Make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her Could-a hurt just a might."

But Maw was OK, And the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer; It looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, He liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba Was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, And the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish A Merry Christmas to you!

'Twas the night before Christmas on the Enterprise-D,
On a routine short hop to Starbase 03,
With Data on duty in the command chair,
At Warp 6, the Enterprise soon would be there.

Just for something to do while the other crew slept,
He scanned where historical records were kept --
And with a blink of his eye and a cock of his head,
"Intriguing! Tomorrow is Christmas!" he said.

But no one was stirring, and he sought to find why,
And so he buzzed Geordi, who awoke with a sigh:
"Christmas? It's only an old holiday --
Now just let me get back to sleep, okay?"

"But is to wish Merry Christmas not human to do?"
And so Data wished it -- to the whole ship and crew.
Everyone on the Enterprise awoke from this clatter --
Picard rushed to the bridge to see what was the matter.

"What is the meaning of this noise, Mister Data?"
"Sir, is it not Christmas--?" "We'll discuss it much later!"

Just then Worf said, "Captain -- a Klingon Prey Bird!
Its hull has been damaged -- it's uncloaking, sir."
"On screen," said Picard, as the Klingon ship hailed:
"Federation vessel, our Life Support systems have failed!

A strange ship attacked us, inflicting the worst,
(though naturally, of course, we'd fired on it first)."

The Klingons beamed over, and the senior staff met,
To try and determine the source of the threat.
Said Picard, "Mister Data, an assignment for you:
Give all of these Klingons something to do!
They think it's the Romulans we should look for,
Get them all off the bridge, before there's a war!"

So Data departed, while the rest of the crew
Wondered: Romulans? Ferengi? If not them, then who?

Said Worf, "Sir -- disturbance on Holodeck Three!"
The entire bridge crew ran down there to see.
Roared Picard, "Mister Data, what the devil is this!!"
"Sir, I have taught the Klingons how to celebrate Christmas."

And so there they were -- on holodecks 3, 4 and 5
With synthohol, singing and Rokeg Blood Pie!
Soon the Big E was rocking with holiday cheer
Friend,foe, and family came from both far and near.

The Romulans showed up with some Romulan Ale,
The Ferengi brought goodies for free -- not for sale!
But a strange ship was coming, the captain was told,
With one crew member only, and a huge cargo hold.

Said the Klingons, "It's the strange ship that fought us -- attack!"
Said Picard, "On Christmas? -- Mister Worf, just hold back."
And then as the ship came into view,
Onscreen came its captain -- none other than Q!

He wore a white beard and a suit of deep red...
"Joyeux Noel, mon captain," was what Santa Q said.
"Tell those Klingons next time to not go so berserk.
You need good defense systems in this line of work.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be warping away...
Did you think anyone else could do this job in one day?"

"I'm sensing emotion," said Counselor Troi,
"Peace in the galaxy, Good Will and Joy."
And they stood on the bridge and watched Q take flight,
shouting,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!"

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
No food was a-stirrin',
Not even a mouse.

Stockings were hung round
Dad's nick like a tie,
Along with a note that said,
"Presents or die."

Children were plotting
All night in their beds,
While the wife's constant whining
Was splitting his head.

But daddy had money
This year in the bank,
Then they closed up early,
And now dad's in a tank.

All of a sudden,
Santa appeared,
A sneer on his face,
Booze in his beard.

"Santa," I said,
As he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others,
Do something for me."

"Bundy," he said,
"You only sell shoes,
Your son is a sneak thief,
Your daughter's a floose."

"Ho ho," Santa said,
"Should I mention your wife?
Her hair's like an A-bomb,
Her nails like a knife."

He climbs up the chimney,
That fat piece of dung,
He mooned me two times,
He stuck out his tongue.

I heard him exclaim,
As he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children,
You'll never be free."

'Twas the night before Jesus came and all through the house
Not a creature was praying, not one in the house.
Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care
In hopes that Jesus would not come there.

The children were dressing to crawl into bed.
Not once ever kneeling or bowing a head.
And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap
Was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.

When out of the East there arose such a clatter.
I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash!

When what to my wondering eyes should appear
But angels proclaiming that Jesus was here.
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray
I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!

The light of His face made me cover my head
It was Jesus! returning just like He had said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth,
I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.

In the Book of Life which He held in His hand
Was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name;
When He said "it's not here" my head hung in shame.

The people whose names had been written with love
He gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound.
While all the rest were left standing around.

I fell to my knees, but it was too late;
I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight;
Oh, if only I had been ready tonight.

In the words of this poem the meaning is clear;
The coming of Jesus is drawing near.
There's only one life and when comes the last call
We'll find that the Bible was true after all!

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the houses
not a system was rockin'
except for the mouses'.
The speakers were placed and arranged with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas wasn't a square.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
until they heard booming coming from a red sled
Me (after a nightcap) and Momma in bedclothes
Got up shouting, "that system - it blows" (?)

Down through the chimney came Santa, so round
he said, "what's the matter? You don't like the sound?"
Says I, "O Santa, you can do better than THAT,
Sit here, in the sweet spot, you'll see where it's at",

I fired up the Marantz, and old DQ-10s'
popped in some Handel, and turned in up, then,
He goes "Holy Cow, I see what you mean,
I've been playing it muddy, when it should be clean!"

Since then, every year, he always stops here,
We all have some nog, even reindeer,
pop in some tunes, and turn it up loud,
He always leaves happy, and usually plowed.


:D

Pete

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the shack
I was getting my gear
Installed in it’s rack

The cables were strung
Tween the separates with care
With glorious sound
To soon fill the air

The pre and the power
Were humming along
With me to decide
On my new favorite song

The speakers were chosen
Big woofers and all
A couple of egg nogs
And we’ll have a ball


Soon my speakers were pounding
What a wonderful clatter
Then POP goes a fuse
Now what was the matter

No time to start fiddling
Troubleshooting can wait
Santa soon will be here
After all it was late

Time for some dreams
Of more powerful gear
Much Audio Bliss
For the Upcoming year.

Mike,you are now Canada's Poet Laureate

Alan

A YOOPER CHRISTMAS
by Joe Potila ..and..Jim Decaire...(Da Yoopers..from the CD
'One Can Short Of A Six-Pak')

Twas the night before christmas in this Yooper house
And nuttin' was stirrin' ....not even our mouse
da rest of da family was all fast asleep
with visions of pasties ..delivered by Jeep

Da swampers was hung by the chimney with care...
In hopes dat Saint Nicholes...soon would be dere'...
And in da far corner was lovely to see..
da Busch cans and cabbage dat hung from da tree..

Ma home fron da mine ...me out on parole
She was snuggled in bed.....me.......perched on da bowl
And all of a sudden da house starts to shudder
Some nuts on da roof....and he broke da rain gutter

He yumps down da chimney..and swears cuz' its tight
As I hide behind beer cases ...way outa sight
He lands in da fireplace... scorching his hair
On a busted up orange crate.. still burnin' in dere'

He climbes outa da fireplace and I take a look..
He's just like they show him in my coloring book
With vodka glazed eyes..and a stomach like bubble
A Five day old beard..and dere's soot on da stubble..

His teeth ,when he smiles,look like grandpas speed saw
He wears tennis shoes big as grizzly bears paw...
This old Yooper elf gives me nuttin' to fear.
As he heads for da kitchen..for cookies and beer

He kills off a six pack...den belches and smirks
den reaches in the potatoe sack ...ready to work
Now under da tree ..he's startin to set
Da most beautiful presents us yoopers can get

Deres' a new pastiematic..and a snowblower for mudder(mother)
A steele chain saw.. and some swampers for brudder(brother)
Some mud flaps and CB..and new used weed wacker..
A hemet and nightshirt dat say Gereenbay packer

He closed up da sack and yumps back in da coals
And hollerin' OUCH!..up da chimney he rose..
He grunted and groaned as he tossed out his bag..
And cracked such a beer fart....uugh...I'm startin' to gag

I must watch im' leave..so I rushes outside..
I looks up at da roof..while in bushes I hide
And what does I see as I look through da twigs??
A rusty old car body...pulled by eight pigs

Santa yumped in... and he gave em' all hell..
Let's go all yous' pigs..don't just sit there and smell..
On Bushy and Mushy.. and Limpy and Joe..
And all of yous others..whose names I don't know..

Fly over Nayganie ..den turn to da right..
We'll make Houghton/Hancock..before I get piped
den I hear him exclaim...with a cynical sneer
"Pull in at that Busch sign...I've run outa beer"

Twas the night before Christmas and here on AK
No one was posting, they had nothing to say
I stared at my moitor, when what should appear
A vision of my friends both far away and near

Opt80's keen wit runs across my bright screen
And Ward's new cables all covered in green
And audio exotica from BrianB's store
But the vision's obscured by the big toe of Thor

There's Grumpy's new turntable awaiting an arm
And ProAc's wife full of good looks and charm
Of course there is ThatchEar with his incomprehensible posts
But that big toe of Thor is remembered the most

I dream of the music and what it all means
Compared to Tentoze my collection is beans
Dave918's music matches him blow for blow
But in front of it all I still see that big toe

May we all go to bed and remember our blessin's
Our family and friends and long AK sessions
May the spirit of the holidays affect us all year round
And hope a pair of socks Thor may have found

Nice Ray,Nice

Alan