Sitting here tonight listening to KUT in Austin, and they just played a song Rodney Crowell and Vince Gill did together. Pretty decent tune, but when they sang "It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chewed your ass all day" I lost it. :lmao: :lmao:

Another one is from the Austin Lounge Lizards' "Cornhusker Refugee."
"Take me home to the little town where everyone's your neighbor, and the family ate dead chickens every Sunday afternoon."

One last lyric and I'll turn over the thread to our regular offenders.
"I'm the best you can get, have you guessed me yet? I'm the slime oozin' out of your TV set."

Well, I'll start with anything by Tenacious D, since that's the obvious one...

Rilo Kiley - "It's A Hit"
"Any asshole can open up a museum. Put all of the things he loves on display so everyone could see them." (Quite true, but interesting delivery of the idea...)

Ben Folds - "Sports and Wine"
"Girls don't understand it
Anything you say I don't understand it either
Guess that makes me gay"

Harvey Danger - "Meetings with Remarkable Men"
"I had a lovely brunch with Jesus Christ, he said 'two words about inanity: fundamental Christianity.' The food was very nice but then He had to go and die for my sins and stick my ass with the check"

I could come up with more, but I'll leave that for now...

The Divinals~ When I think about you I touch myself :banana: :lmao: :lmao:

Jimmy Castor Bunch - "Her name was Bertha. Bertha Butt. One of the Butt sisters."

I think that I may actually have choked on a drink at a bar when I heard this years ago for the first time:

Jimmy Buffet - Why don't we get drunk and screw?

"Have You Heard the Words of the Lord/Jesus might be comin' in a '49 Ford..." I honestly heard that on the car radio in Richmond in the late '70s. Laughed so hard, I nearly wrecked.-Sandy G.

Mr. Bad Example by Warren Zevon

I started as an altar boy working at the church
Learning all my holy moves doing some research
Which led me to a cash box labelled "Children's Fund"
I'd leave the change and tuck the bills inside my cumberbund

I got a part-time job at my father's carpet store
Laying tackless stripping and housewives by the score
I loaded up their furniture and took it to Spokane
Auctioned off every last naugahyde divan

I'm very well acquainted with the seven deadly sins
I keep a busy schedule trying to fit them in
I'm proud to be a glutton and I don't have time for sloth
I'm greedy and I'm angry and I don't care who I cross

CHORUS
I'm, intruder in the dirt
I llike to have a good time and I don't care who gets hurt
I'm, take a look at me
I'll live to be a hundred and go down in history

Of course I went to law school and got a law degree
And counselled all my clients to plead insanity
Then worked in hair replacement swindling the bald
Where very few are chosen, fewer still are called

Then on to Monte Carlo play chemin de fer
I threw away the fortune I made transplanting hair
I put my last few francs down on a prostitute
Who took me up to her room to perform the flag salute

Whereupon I stole her passport and her wig
And headed for the airport and the midnight flight, you dig?
Fourteen hours later I was down in Adelaide
Looking through the want ads sipping Foster's in the shade

I opened up an agency somewhere down the line
To hire aboriginals to work the opal mines
But I attached their wages and took a whopping cut
And whisked away their workman's comp and pauperized the lot

CHORUS

I bought a first class ticket on Malaysian Air
Landed in Sri Lanka none the worse for wear
I'm thinking of retiring from all my dirty deals
See you in the next life, wake me up for meals

"If she's ugly and her eyes don't match,
take it from me she's a better catch!"

That line kills me every time I hear it. I picture something out of a Picasso painting with one eye a couple inches higher than the other.

Old Hoagy Carmichael had a way with words too. From a song called "Huggin' and Chalkin' " which is about dating a really fat girl he says....

"My eyes get teary and my knees get limp,
when I think about my baby blimp!"

Zappa was probably the master though, with one hell of an imagination.

"Raising my lonely dental floss..."

My favorite Smiths lyric, made me spit a drink first time I heard it:
"And then I crashed down on the [bicycle] crossbar
and the pain was enough to make a shy bald Buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder" -- Foe