Car sayings

[Gerrit]

Q: Why do Land Rovers have heated rear windows?
A: To keep your hands warm when you're pushing them.

Q: What's the difference between a Kia and the principal's office?
A: It's less embarrassing if your friends see you leaving the principal's office.

Q: What goes on pages 4-5 of the Jeep user's manual?
A: The train and bus schedule.

A man goes to a parts garage:
Man: "Can I have a windshield wiper for a VW please?"
Parts man: "Yeah, that seems like a fair swap."

Q: How do you make a Rolls Royce leak oil?
A: Stick a Dodge badge onto it.

Q: What do you call a Freelander at the top of a hill?
A: A miracle.

Q: What do you call a Hyundai with dual exhausts?
A: A wheelbarrow.

Q: How do you double the value of a Discovery V8?
A: Half fill it with gas

Q: So you applied for a second bond?
A: Yes, my Merc needs a minor service.

Q: So BMW wasn't the first car on the scrap heap?
A: Nope, it was towed in by a NISSAN.

Q: What do you call an Explorer with brakes?
A: Customized

Q: What do you have to do if your Cherokee gets in the way of a
swarm of killer bees?
A: Stop pushing and take refuge in the car.

Q: What is the Daewoo owner's most ardent wish?
A: To buy a car.

Q: What do you call a Renault with a seat belt?
A: A rucksack.

Q: How do you make a Matiz (Chevy Aveo) go faster uphill?
A: Throw out the passenger.

Q: What do you call an Opel with a flat tire?
A: A write-off.

I hear you've got a new car - a Toyota!
Yes, I won the second prize in a lottery.
What was the first prize then?
A fruit basket.

[Kamakiri]

That was great! :lmao:

[kc8adu]

Q: Why do Land Rovers have heated rear windows?
A: To keep your hands warm when you're pushing them.

that got stolen from the yugo.

[dewickt]

First On Race Day
Flip Over Read Directions
Found On Road Dead
Fix Or Repair Daily

On a quiet night you can hear a Ford rust.

[Sandy G]

FIAT = Fix It Again, Tony
BMW = Break My Wallet
Pontiac = Poor Old Negro Thinks It's A Cadillac
How do you tell a Mercedes from a Cactus? W/the cactus, the pricks are on the outside...-Sandy G.

[Gerrit]

"that got stolen from the yugo."

Yugo's had heated rear windows???? :D

[SPL db]

ACURA:
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America

AMC:
All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe

AUDI:
Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.

BMW:
Big Mormon Wagon
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Blasphemous Motorized Wreck

BUICK:
Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer
Big Ugly Imitation Chrome King

CHEVROLET:
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time
Cracked Heads, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time
Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

DODGE:
Drips Oil & Drops Grease Everywhere
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Dead Old Dog Going East
Dead On Day Guarantee Expires
Dead On Delivery, Go Easy
Dead On Delivery, Guarantee Expired
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Dear Old Dads Garage Experiment
Daily Overhauls Do Get Expensive

EDSEL: Every Day Something Else Leaks

FIAT:
Failed Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It Again, Tony!
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation

FORD:
Frigin' Old Rebuilt Dodge
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
First On Race Day
First On Recall Day
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fails On Rainy Days
Fantastically Orgasmic Realistic Dream
Fatally Obese Redneck Driver
Fault Of R&D
Finally Obsolete Racing Device
Fireball On Rear Denting
First On Road to Dump
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Flipping Over Results in Death
Flipped Over Roadside Disaster
Follow Our Rusty Dogsled
Foot On Road Decelerates
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Formed Of Rejected DNA
Forwarded Once; Return Denied
Forward Only; Reverse Defective
Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
Fork Over Repair Dough
Fouled Out Re-done Dodge
Frequent Overhaul, Rapid Deterioration
Free Or Reduced Drastically
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Funny Old Rattling Dump
(backwards) Driver Returns On Foot

GEO: Good Engineering Overlooked

GM:
General Maintenance
Great Mistake
Garbage Motors
Generally Miserable
Grossly Misconceived
Gluteus Maximus

GMC:
Garage Man's Companion
Gotta Mechanic Coming?
Generally Mediocre Cars
Get More Chicks
Gets Mechanics Crazy
Gods Mechanical Curse
Got More Crap
Great Mountain Climber
Great Motor Car

GTO: Gas, Tires, Oil

HONDA:
Had One Never Did Again
Hang On, Not Done Accelerating
Hallmark Of Non-Descript Automobiles
Hallmark Of Non-Destructable Automobiles

HYUNDAI: Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...

JEEP:
Just Eats Every Part
Junk Engineering Executed Poorly
Just Empty Every Pocket

MAZDA: Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

MG: Money Guzzler

MGB: Might Go Backwards

MGF: Might Go Forward

MIATA: My Intention: Always To Accelerate

MOPAR:
Many Odd Parts Arranged Randomly
Miscellaneous Oddball Parts Assembled Ridiculously
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Move Over People Are Racing
Move Over Plymouth Approaching Rapidly
My Old Pig Ain't Running
My Only Problems Are Repairs

MUSTANG: Motor Under Strain, Transmission Almost No Good

OLDSMOBILE: Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover Equipment

PINTO:
Put In Nickel To Operate
Paid Inspector Nicely To Overlook
Put In New Transmission Often

PLYMOUTH: Please Leave Your Money Out Under The Hood

PONTIAC: Poor Old Numbskull Thinks Its A Cadillac

PORSCHE: Proof Of Rich Spoiled Children Having Everything

SAAB:
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown
Sad Attempt At Beauty
Sorry Auto, Always Broken
Shape Appears Ass-Backwards

SUBARU: Screwed Up Beyond All Repair Usually

TOYOTA:
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto
Torturous On Your Old Tired Ass
The One You Ought To Avoid

TRIUMPH:
This Really Is Unreliable Man, Please Help!
Tried Repairing It Until My Parts Hurt!

VOLVO: Very Odd Looking Vehicular Object

VW: Virtually Worthless

:D

Scott

[ilimzn]

One to add:
FORD: For Old Retired Dudes

[Nick_the_'Nole]

A couple more:

Honda: How Odd, No Damn Acceleration
Acura: A Class Underneath Real Automobiles

[Sandy G]

.....an' for you fellow Blue Oval fans-...An' you know who you are...Feckin' Over-Rated Disaster....-Sandy G.

[colortrakker]

Kia: Killed In Action

[ProAc_Fan]

Kia: Killed In Action


Talk to Alan ( Opt80), he'll second that emotion. :)


Mike

[Ol' Ken]

LUCAS
Prince of Darkness

[Billfort]

FORD
F'in Old Road Dog

[WhiskeyRebel]

AMC
assortment of miscellaneous components
Subaru
seemingly unbreakable but alarmingly rusted underneath
BMW
blinkers mustn't work
blatantly materialistic wanker
bearing a miniature wiener
Jaguar
just allow the garage unlimited access for repairs