Well guys..I have a problem.
A drug problem.
For the fifth time i caught my boy (a thirteen year old ) making a "joint" with haxixe.
For the fifth time i talk to him about drugs.I never try to slap him or beat him because of that.I always try to make him understand...
I'm down man.I am very sad,because i think he don't understand the message
i am sending to him.
He's got a computer,a sony playstation,a big tv,i bough him a bass guitar and taught him a few notes and scales,and i thought he was happy...We (in my family)all talked very much about everything (even about AK) the sports school ,music,pictures,tv...
My wife and i go to parents reunion at school,we go to the beach together,play a little soccer or basketball in the backyard.
We are a perfect normal family with normal day by day problems.We are not rich but i'm doing ok in the air conditioners and refrigeration business.
what should i do ? I need some advise.

Haxixe is hashish, marijuana or ?

Murray

i'm guessing hashish given the closeness of the s to the x keys

Sorry my enghish.
I mean hashish.

Ciao
Luis.

Apparently it's a Spanish word for some kind of drug. Did a search for it and came up with a bunch of Spanish language responses. However, I think marijuana IS a Spanish word, already. I'm betting on hash which is way more serious than pot. IMO.

Murray

Lay down the law: if he breaks your rule by smoking weed he will lose privileges. Spell out exactly what penalties you will impose, and then stick with it. Never make a threat that you are not prepared to carry out.

Luis,

My drug experience is very limited and I'm no medical doctor. However, in my very limited experience with this kind of stuff, I can tell you that a 13 year old smoking hash is a very serious problem. I can only tell you that perhaps you should meet with your family doctor immediately. And, be prepared to take drastic action.

Extremely serious.

Murray

childrens minds are basically perverted by what they see on tv and peer pressure. It really doesn't matter what you give them besides your love and guidance you can only hope that someday the light bulb will go on and they will get the point. it sounds like you are doing your best from over here but maybe its time to stop giviving so much and start taking back ie: privliges?,freedom,MONEY,all the fancy toys THAT YOU HAVE SHOWERED HIM WITH GO MINIMALIST HELL deny him access to to hish friends. the teen years are like a bomb waiting to go off you just hope you have a slow burning fuse that lasts until they mature enough to see that you were right all along hang in there you will get thru this GOOD LUCK HAVE FAITH:thmbsp:

you may need to put him under house arrest for a while. if nothing else that will eliminate his ability to obtain the drug. if his friends are part of the problem, you have to cut off those associations immediately. if he is out of school for the summer, maybe you can take him to work with you. sending him to stay with relatives in another part of the county is a possibility. if you know someone in law enforcement ask if they will talk to him. a tour of the local jail, or better yet, prison can do wonders for an impressionable teenager. finding activities that hold his interest is key, find out what he is passionate about and use it. best of luck, hang in there.

Thanks guys
I know that i'm dealing with a serious problem,that's why i'm very down,and i need your
advises before i do anything more than discuss it with him.

It's very late here and i go to bed try to sleep a little,because i work tomorow.

Ciao
Luis.

Tread lightly. He's gonna do what he want's to do, he's at the age where his peers are far wiser than you. As bad as it is, hammering him on pot or hash may push him to meth, & then you've got a real problem.

Try not to lose your temper, point out losers who have ruined there lives with drugs, in a gentle way. This won't be over in the short term.

Good news is, most all kids get drunk, smoke dope, etc. & live to pay taxes all of there lives. Society would collapse if that were not the case. Bad news is, a few of them hit bottom & never return.

Just be honest, there's no substitute. Godspeed & good luck.

I'm 33 and have never been high or tried anything drug wise. Here's why.

My mom when I was about 12 sat me down and with a stern face told me to swear on the Bible she was holding that I would never use drugs. Gawd, I couldn't stop laughing! I said okay ma, sure, if it makes you happy I swear on this here Bible that I will never touch drugs. Geez.....LOL

Do you know that every time the joint made it my way, I saw my mother's stern look and felt my hand on the leather of that Bible? Freaked me right out, enough that I just couldn't do it because of the promise I made that I thought at the time was stupid and laughable.

It may or may not help at this point, but somehow some way that day wove itself into my being.

New school - new friends - if need be, a new residence. Laying down the law is important, but only if you're prepared to enforce it. I'll second what MarkB stated. We have a 9 year old (stepson for me)who is more bull headed than I was as an 18 YO. He conforms to our rules now, but after many years of consistency - both loving AND disciplinarian. We have at times removed everything he owns via trash bags. He has learned what it takes to earn the stuff back.

One thing I feel. Its ok to experiment BUT if it is a consitant use thing you need to find out why. No psyco babble here but IME there is a reason someone wants to alter their reality. 13 is a difficult age, try and find out where the real issue is coming from. Be stern and supportive but do not let him get away with it either. The last thing you want to do is alienate him. I went through this for years (I was him) thanks to my parents (mostly mom) I have now been clean for 19 years. Though I still drink. take him fishing or somthing and have a heart to heart, listen to what he has to say without interupting or giving advice -- just let him talk.

hope this made sense

Thanks guys from all my heart.
I'll try to do some of your wise advises.
Now in the summer vacations he's gonna come with me.I'll convency him that i need a little of his help in my work.Then in work i'll try to discuss this matter in a gentle but
serious way.
I'm gonna stay alert and try not to loose my temper and try to covency him to stay at
home and not meet his "friends".
Of course i had talk to him the first time i found out,about his feelings and try to find the reasons his doing that,and all the time he apolagises but than again he continious
to lie and return to that shit again and again...
Once again thanks a lot for your support Amigos.
Love.

Luis.

Nevermind whats his peer group like?Iwould notify the parents of all his friends and set up a meeting with them and address it from there.Our middle son has had this problem and your right about not smacking him around but if you bring it to the adults attention things will happen.Good luck,being a parent can be trying.Hang in there.

Thanks gonzo for your concern about my kid.Thanks a lot Amigo.
My wife told me exactly what you advise me to do and, that's we are going do it.
I know a couple of friends that usally hangin' around with him and we are going to talk to their parents before this problem gets out of hand.

Once again thank you amigo.
Luis.

I will agree with Gonzo. I work in a residential youth treatment center for addictions and I strongly suggest you deal with this matter swiftly. So few parents deal with the use of marijuana/pot ect. thinking it is a "soft" drug. If this drug is harmless then why does it only take minute amounts 1/2 gram to get an effect as opposed to alcohol, and other illicit substances. I advocate that there is no safe use of any drugs (including alcohol and the most justified nicotine).

I recommend the boy scouts moto!!! Firm, friendly and fair. I would talk to him openly about this issue. I would try to be as proactive as possible and try to keep one step ahead of him (speak to your doctor, school counsellors, parents of peer groups ect.) Don't be suprised to be met with resistance. You can also contact parent support groups for support in dealing with this issue (in Canada there is a group called Parents Together and Naranon, which are resourceful when trying ot intervene someone in a problematic stage of drug use. The worse you can do is nothing and hope it will go away. So often I talk with desperate parents who thought that there son's use of marijuana was harmless, until they are dealing with a full blown drug user (crystal meth ect.) The depth of problems seem magnified with other illicit drug use, but the reality is that it is just more apparent (parents are often unaware of what their children are taking as well). I would search his room and watch for symptoms of drug use, loss of sleep, anxiety, irritability, loss of weight, color in skin pale ect.

The hardest part in intervening a 15 year old is that in most cases they are in a experimental/occasional stage of use and view the benefits (peers, a part of, relaxation, ect.) outway the consequences. You need to give him consequences for inappropriate behavior ie. groundings ect. in order to maintain that his use of narcotics is unacceptable. Be fair though. Trying to police and threaten him will just add to your problems....think of some of your disagreements with your own father and the lessons you learned. Get all of the information from him....what he uses, how often ect. The fact that he lies to you is what 15 year old kids do...all of them whether they use drugs or not. Some more often than others.

You have half the battle won already because you are asking for help. Please continue to do this and use all of the resources you can (ie. self help groups, doctors, counsellors ect.). You may feel discouraged but you will realize that you are not alone and many parents, wives, children face the same problems you have.

Feel free to contact me for any further info.

Peter

Thanks Peter for your support,and understanding.
My opinion about this matter is the same as yours.
I had search his room several times and all of the times i found something connected with hashish.Small piece of papers(I don't know how you call it in english?!) pieces of ciggars,and for two times i found small amounts of hash.
I know that this is not an easy struggle,and has you said i must be firm,friendly and fair.
Thanks for your contact offer,i am certain that i'll going to use it.
You guys are the best.
Ciao Amigo.

Luis.

I need some advise.


I have 2 daughters, 1 step daughter and 1 step son who are now in their mid 30s and older, all well adjusted and all leading productive drug and for the most part alcohol free lives. The daughters and step daughter will drink socially but are a long, long way from having drinking problems. The step son does not drink. . . never did. . .

Growing up was another matter. . . . I always let my kids make their own choices to a point. . . I remember catching them smoking pot once. . . Being a "progressive" thinker. . . I told them if they were going to do that then do it at home not on the streets. . . . Well the next day we came home to 17 little high school kids and about a pound of pot sitting on the coffee table. . . music blasting etc etc. . . :yippy:

My wife freeked :yikes: :yikes: big time screaming "we take it back" :yikes: :yikes: and I wasnt too happy either. . .

We were always close to the kids, went camping just about every weekend, where we would let our hair down. Kids were always there sneaking a beer now and then. . . Point is all this crazy behavior lasted only one or two years and even though they were able to choose their own lifestyle they chose the path without drugs. . .

Today I look at them as friends not children and the great part is now they come to me with advice and you know what?? I listen. . . It amazes me how much wisdom is in their heads now. . . They are wise beyond their years all of them. . .

All you can do is keep them pointed in the right direction. . . once they get to that age you find out real quick how well you did when they were younger. Hopefully this will pass as it did with my kids and you only pull half your hair out. . . :smoke:


Not to say do nothing. . . exactly the opposite you do everything you can . . . I had a juvenile counsler friend who would take them through the detention centers and let them see what their alternatives were. . . A great friend. . . . Got their attention real quick. . .

Staying one or two steps ahead and having the patience to allow things to take hold is key. . .

Thanks gyusher for your advise.
I will not do a drama or panic about this matter but,let me say this.
We are not leaving in the 80's not even in the 90's we are in the 21th century,and things are completly diferent from those days.
Today this kind of things starts in the beggining of the teenage and becomes heavier very fast.
"Let nature take care of things" in this times i think it's not the right way to deal with this kind of problems.

I thank you .
Ciao amigo
Luis.