Meower
08-17-2006, 03:52 PM
>> WOMANS PERFECT BREAKFAST
>>
>> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
>> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>> Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
>> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> WOMEN'S REVENGE
>> "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
>>to purchase.
>> As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
>>television set in her purse.
>> "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
>> "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
>> and I figured this was the most I could do to him legally."
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>>
>> I know I'm not going to understand women.
>> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
>> pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
>> and still be afraid of a spider.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>>
>> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>> Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>> "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
>>dislikes."
>> He addressed the man,
>> "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
>> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
>>Pillsbury, isn't it?
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>>
>> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
>> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
>> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
>> She directs him down the correct aisle.
>> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
>>of string on the counter.
>> She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
>>for your wife?
>> He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
>>the store
>> to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
>>tobacco
>> and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
>> So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
>> (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>>
>> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
>>word.
>> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
>> neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>> the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>> "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> WORDS
>>
>> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
>> day...
>> 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>> The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
>>everything to men...
>> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> CREATION
>>
>> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
>> so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
>> "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
>> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
>> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> WHO DOES WHAT
>> A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>> should brew the coffee each morning.
>> The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
>> and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
>> The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
>> you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
>> coffee."
>> Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
>>that the man should do the coffee."
>> Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
>>at the top of s everal pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> The Silent Treatment
>> A man and his wife were having some problems at home
>> and were giving each other the silent treatment.
>> Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife
>>to wake him
>> at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
>> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
>>on a piece of paper,
>> "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find
>>it.
>> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
>>he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and! see why his
>>wife hadn't wakened him,
>> when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
>> The paper said, "It is 5:0 0 AM. Wake up."
>> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
>>draft before the masterpiece.
>>
>> She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
>> Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>> Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>> Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
>> And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> WOMEN'S REVENGE
>> "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
>>to purchase.
>> As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a
>>television set in her purse.
>> "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
>> "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
>> and I figured this was the most I could do to him legally."
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
>> (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
>>
>> I know I'm not going to understand women.
>> I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
>> pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
>> and still be afraid of a spider.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> MARRIAGE SEMINAR
>>
>> While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>> Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
>> "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and
>>dislikes."
>> He addressed the man,
>> "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
>> Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
>>Pillsbury, isn't it?
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
>>
>> A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
>> The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
>> He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
>> She directs him down the correct aisle.
>> A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
>>of string on the counter.
>> She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
>>for your wife?
>> He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
>>the store
>> to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of
>>tobacco
>> and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
>> So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.
>> (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> WIFE VS. HUSBAND
>>
>> A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
>>word.
>> An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
>> neither of them wanted to concede their position.
>> As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
>> the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>> "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> WORDS
>>
>> A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
>> day...
>> 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>> The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
>>everything to men...
>> The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> CREATION
>>
>> A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
>> so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
>> "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
>> God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
>> God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> WHO DOES WHAT
>> A man and his wife were having an argument about who
>> should brew the coffee each morning.
>> The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
>> and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
>> The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
>> you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
>> coffee."
>> Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
>>that the man should do the coffee."
>> Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>> So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him
>>at the top of s everal pages, that it indeed says .......... "HEBREWS"
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> The Silent Treatment
>> A man and his wife were having some problems at home
>> and were giving each other the silent treatment.
>> Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife
>>to wake him
>> at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
>> Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
>>on a piece of paper,
>> "Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find
>>it.
>> The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
>>he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and! see why his
>>wife hadn't wakened him,
>> when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
>> The paper said, "It is 5:0 0 AM. Wake up."
>> Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
>>draft before the masterpiece.