Having sex is like playing bridge. If you:banana:
don't have a good partner, you'd better
have a good hand."
Woody Allen


"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Rodney Dangerfield




"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
Lynn Lavner



"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot
pool with a rope."
Camille Paglia




"Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant."

George Burns




"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship."

Sharon Stone




"My mother never saw the irony in calling
me a son-of-a-bitch."

Jack Nicholson



" Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."

Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you
didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)



"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Williams




"Women need a reason to have sex.
Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal



"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro




"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman


"There's very little advice in men's magazines because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !'"

Jerry Seinfeld


"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams


"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers




"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."

Steve Martin



" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Elmo Phillips




" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde


" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns

Hehehehehehehe...Good 'uns, Diddlybopper...

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you:banana:
don't have a good partner, you'd better
have a good hand."
Woody Allen

Actually that's Woody quoting Mae West.

Here's a few more Mae West quotes:

"There's no such thing as good girls gone bad. There's just bad girls found out."

"A hard man is good to find."

"Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly."

"Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for."

"Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired."

and

"Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often."

More Soph quotes are here: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/mae_west.html

Doug

How true!

:lmao:

This is what women make me do all day.
http://www.rathergood.com/hedgehogs/

Sort of on topic...

The Rules of Bedroom Golf




1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of> alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13.Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

Sort of on topic...

The Rules of Bedroom Golf




1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is completed. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention to well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played, or are currently playing, to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternative means of play when this is the case
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of> alignment with, and approach to the hole.
13.Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::l mao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao: