Conan The Barbarian (2011) The best review of a crappy movie yet.

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I was looking to watch Conan The Barbarian (2011). The original "sword and sandal" Conan (1982) with Arnold is very entertaining especially if you have read the books of Robert E. Howard. Only this first movie gets it right. In the books Poor Conan who is as ignorant as a fence post, gets hornswoggled by naked women, and evil wizards, Conan manages to hack his way through these tribulations thanks to his muscles and sword.

The review by Mick LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle of the 2011 movie saved me from wasting 1 hour and 52 minutes of my life,

"Take a bad movie in two dimensions, film it in three, and what do you get. Three entire dimensions of lousy." :rflmao:
 
bobsvinyl said:
I loved the books, not the movies.
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Read the books after I first watched Conan The Barbarian (1982). I remember when I walked out of the theater after watching it thinking Conan was awful. Then I read the books. The movie was still bad but at least I could see they tried.
 
The R. E. Howard Conan stories were top-shelf sword and sorcery keep-your-eyes-glued-to-the-page reading and I loved it, but the L. Sprague de Camp additions/subtractions to the later volumes, I found to be too scripted for my taste.
I actually thought the 1st movie was okay for it's time and I'm okay with it now and then.
I didn't even know they had made another one in 2011:confused:.
 
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Had no idea there was a remake - won't bother, thanks.
I read some of the books years ago and thought Arnold did well in the first one -
his sense of humor and tongue in cheek acting has made much of some of his films.
 
The first Conan movie is a minor classic, what with it being written and directed by John Milius. I'll watch any movie directed by Milius and featuring James Earl Jones.
 
Read the books and loved them. The first movie is ok but always thought James Earl Jones must have really needed a paycheck, though he did class the joint up. I'll watch the first movie, if it's on. The others...not so much. Grace Jones is scary enough without giving her a spear.
 
Grace Jones in Conan the Destroyer (1984) is the only bright spot in what another wise was star spangled turkey. This movie asked the question, why do evil demons from hell have the hot's for white female blond virgins. The answer: movie producers can get them for cheap.

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What and give up Hollywood????
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Dude111 said:
I havent even seen his first movie!! (Conan)

I would not wanna see this one!!
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The first movie is worth seeing for the totally outrageous orgy scene, naked women, snakes, and for eats a taste green stew made with tender human bits and pieces. yumma goochie force of doom.

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transmaster said:
I was looking to watch Conan The Barbarian (2011). The original "sword and sandal" Conan (1982) with Arnold is very entertaining especially if you have read the books of Robert E. Howard. Only this first movie gets it right. In the books Poor Conan who is as ignorant as a fence post, gets hornswoggled by naked women, and evil wizards, Conan manages to hack his way through these tribulations thanks to his muscles and sword.

The review by Mick LaSalle of the San Francisco Chronicle of the 2011 movie saved me from wasting 1 hour and 52 minutes of my life,

"Take a bad movie in two dimensions, film it in three, and what do you get. Three entire dimensions of lousy." :rflmao:
Click to expand...
Storyline is what's trash , the action is not bad. Why no sequel to original with Arnold?
I need to read the books, did you actually watch the movie!?
There are much worse movies out there then Conan. sucks neitheR one had sequels. Braveheart is an example of much much abetter swordfighting movie.:eek:
Movie industry sadly spills out so much garbage films, last 2 years been better though:lurk:
I watch movies at Home now, nearly broke .:(
Terrible films often get sequels , lots of good ones do not.
 
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ultumax said:
Storyline is what's trash , the action is not bad. Why no sequel to original with Arnold?
I need to read the books, did you actually watch the movie!?
There are much worse movies out there then Conan. sucks neitheR one had sequels. Braveheart is an example of much much abetter swordfighting movie.:eek:
Movie industry sadly spills out so much garbage films, last 2 years been better though:lurk:
I watch movies at Home now, nearly broke .:(
Terrible films often get sequels , lots of good ones do not.
Click to expand...

Arnold did Conan, and there was indeed a Conan sequel, Conan The Destroyer. I actually liked the sequel. While not great, it had more of a sword and sorcery feel to it. Plus, Arnold worked out differently between the 2 films, and he was more "cut" in Destroyer. I thought he looked more Conan like, as such.

2011's Conan The Barbarian starred Jason Mamoa. It was fair. It felt like an early Robert E Howard Conan story. Conan felt younger and more brash in this one. A bit more violent too. More lusty, with Conan chasing women and killing villains. Still, I didn't find any of the Conan movies anything great. None really captured Howard's Conan. Maybe one day?
 
The soundtrack on the first movie held it together and makes it a decent flick.

They are running some old sci-fi from the 80s on Conet TV. I think we have forgotten how truely bad movies and TV was in the 80s.(it’s gotten worse but lost the cheese and corn).

Relatively speaking, Conan was a monster for its time.
 
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