There was an older gentleman in my recovery program who would blurt out, "I Can't See Me" !
I always thought it was an odd thing to say, but for me, as it turns out, it's true. The only self-perception I can form is based on how other people react to me. It's paradoxical; in a way, I don't give a damn what other people think about me, and yet I want to see myself as accurately as possible. It's not as simple as wanting to win friends and influence people. It's more a need for survival. I'm pretty much 'hitting a wall' when it comes to affecting a change in my personality.
I'm tired of being alone, and alienated from other people. I swear I don't do it intentionally.