Get ready to grab your junk guys.
When pain hits, reach for the semen
But, what happens if that is the source of the pain?
Here is one for you,...
I'm always on Sarge for doing stuff like climbing onto a chair, or, perhaps a stack of phone books, instead of a ladder, when she has to reach the high stuff.
So, in this story, I relate back to a period where I was hauling a huge amount of granite boulders used to create a functioning dry creek drainage across the rear of my property. I had been hauling huge rocks all day, like 8 tons of stone for the day, and I was tired. I needed to get into the truck bed to get to some rocks that were out of reach.
Did I grab a ladder? Hell no.
I grabbed the first and nearest thing to me, a 5-gallon Lowes bucket. I turned it upside down, and stepped up.
Problem,... Me, 6'6" 350lbs Anything but petite.
So, this was my objective, to get into the bed of my pickup. You can barely see the height of the tailgate in this image. And, these are the exact rocks that I was gathering in this tale.
So, I step onto the bucket, and, went to step onto the tailgate, with one foot on the bucket, and the other reaching out, when what happens?? The friggin bucket explodes in mid-astride, and, suddenly, I get this object, the corner of the tailgate, image below, and it was racing up between my legs at full force, and with 350lbs of load coming down on it.
Looks a bit like a can opener, no?
Just as quickly as you can imagine, this can opener of a 90º corner is racing towards my junk, unmercifully, and it catches me directly in the man package, right between righty and lefty.
But wait, that tailgate is covered in something, isn't it, Mike??
Yep, it is a product called Herculiner. Herculainer is a bed liner that has the qualities of stucco, with large coarse chunks suspeneded in it to provide abrasion resistance.
OK,... My boys met that Herculiner stucco-like coarseness, and all I had on was a thin pair of nylon shorts, and, was going commando underneath them.
The tailgate got ahold of my boys, and, we were actually suspended in mid-air, by the junk, without being able to touch ground, dangling by my junk as the only thing holding up my 350lbs.
Then, the nut sack tore, and gave up its hold. So, we dropped another couple of inches, when that same corner caught my abdomen, just below the navel. And, once again, I'm sitting there suspended in mid-air without my feet touching the ground, while this can opener of a tailgate corner was trying to disembowel me,
Well, the abdomen finally gave up, and, I went into a horizontal prone position, still flaoting in mid-air, and a couple of feet off the ground still, for the next looming second of time,... Well, finally on the ground, hitting completely proned out horizontally, and, the impact drove what breath I had left in me straight out of me; yep, the final blow,... knocking the wind out of myself, laying there in a ring of rising dust.
So, I'm laying there on the ground, wondering if my man package was still on the tailgate, but, not being able to get a breath made it seem like not such a big deal.
I llok up, and guess what??
Sarge is standing over me, having seen this entire event play out, and she asks,...
Would you like a ladder?.
The first words out of my mouth,....
I think I nutted myself.
My nylon shorts were completely torn off, leaving me nekkid from the waist down.
Result of this hours long fall to the ground (actually took less than a second),....
My nut sack, torn, and bloody. There was skin, hairs and blood on the corner of the tailgate.
Fortunately, righty went right, and lefty went left. The nut sack, not torn so deeply that I needed stitches, but, a good 1"+ tear, and lots of blood. The belly button looked psychedelic from the bruising.
What did I do next? Poured some alcohol on my junk (that smarted), and, went and got more rocks. I needed the rocks.
