Divorce

See here...

https://www.google.com/search?num=3....0....0...1c.1.48.hp..3.23.2741.0.WHn0LW2PX50

:thmbsp:

Ugggh. Doing fairly well these days, but I'm still having a dream or two a week where the ex is being terrible to me, or where we are breaking up. When I wake up it's like it's all fresh again for a while. Really annoying.

Either my subconcious needs to catch up to the present, where I'm feeling pretty OK in general, or I have mild PTSD as a friend suggested (don't know about that).

I guess it takes some time for the brain to work things out, I just want it to stop.

I've had hardly any contact with her for 2 months now, since the house closed. She was going to stop by the place where I work to donate some stuff a couple of weeks ago, and asked if that was OK. I texted her back saying "sure"...she texted "Thanks" with a happy face I told her I'd probably disappear, and when I saw her car I just gave a curt waved and went away, letting my coworkers deal with her. I don't know what she's playing at, but there are other days she could drop stuff off, and other places as well.

I texted her last week to say sorry I couldn't see her, and hope her health issues are getting better. I guess she has surgery this week to cauterize her uterus because of the problems she's been having. I keep wondering if her health issues affected her decision to leave, the timing of her problem coming up seems parallel to us starting to have problems.

Anyway, I keep trooping on here. I hope all the folks contributing to this thread are well

I think having as little contact as possible would be best, to try and get the dreams away. Those kind of dreams are never fun, and having no control over it really sucks
But, some day they will go away, I am sure :yes:

Your dreams may be from the fact that you still feel as if you are being pursued by your ex. A pursuit that you do not want. It may be embodying a threat to your happiness that you do not want. A time that you wish to put in the past and move on.

Fill your time with things that give you joy and happiness. Feed your soul with the things in life that give you energy.

Keep up the good fight and stay strong.

congrat's on the kitten...

glad your coping well... hang in there....

Good days, bad days. Just having to keep plugging on, just feel really alone sometimes more than others. Even though we weren't too happy at the end, I still miss the whole package. Just thinking about her face right now made me cry a bit

It gets better. I know everyone says that, and it just sounds like horsesh** when you're going through the process, but it really does.

I know the feeling, some days you feel like "what's the point", but you have to get out and do it again. Wake up from what little sleep you might have gotten with the sheets on the floor.

Two years since I told her to GTF out of my life, still wish I hadn't had to do that, but some things people do just cannot be set aside. Trying to protect your family from this crazy world only to find it's right in your house, then not knowing what to do for this reason. Actually, if it had been someone else besides my daughters "mother" they would have suffered the wrath and been dealt with to the full extent. Everyday still I wonder why, what is it that keeps some from being able to settle into life and be happy with the ones who love them ? I really didn't want to have to start again, but I was going to suffer badly either way and will never get past the things that had been done to our family.

I hope you do well and learn to let go so you can then move ahead. I also know it's not an task at all. Hang in there !

I've got my best friend (cat) and he keeps me company. What I do to help keep my mind from racing, is read the forum here and a few hobbies.

I'm doing better today, but ya, the "what's the point" feeling sucks. I just have to keep busy and hope that there's someone out there when I'm ready. I am enjoying some aspects of being single, but after being so used to having someone around for 22 years, it's hard to imagine the rest of my life the way it is now. I will still need some time to figure myself out meanwhile.

That's great !

I know being alone is the pits at first, it was 19 yrs together for us and I tried hard to keep it. Once is enough for me, I've decided I don't want to put myself through that again, NO WAY ! I hate that out of place feeling around couples and families, but I know I'm not the only one out there in this position.

Give it time for your mind to eventually settle before you jump into anything that might get you hurt again. Not worth it.

I've got over 100 plastic models collected I need to pull out and build. Might get the RC cars out again and go to the track. Hobbies keep me sane.

Good advice. I'm getting back into cycling for fun and fitness (instead of just commuting and such). I have the time and anything that gets me into shape and feeling the endorphins is good.

I wished her a happy birthday and good luck with impending surgery by text, kinda wished I hadn't, as I felt kinda low for a few days after (maybe unrelated). I'm more and more confident that having no contact with her whatsoever is the way to go, there's not much good that can come of it, and being 'nice' just makes me feel like a doormat, or like I'm hoping to open dialogue because I want her back. I miss her, but I don't want her back.

I've had friends run into her around town, and they say she looks/sounds miserable...who knows, not sure I care as she made her bed.

Getting used to feeling somewhat happy. It's weird to not be worried that her coming home from work is going to result in nasty words and a ruined evening. I just do my thing now, but there are still twinges of anxiety.

Is there a reason you don't drive, if you don't mind my asking?

Sounds like you're on the right track. There's no "right way" to process events like divorce - you can gauge by your feelings where you're at. The whole thing reminds me of an Alanis Morrisette lyric; the only way out is through.

I'm on an accelerated healing plan thankfully, but only because I've hit rock bottom three times before and my coping strategy was developed during those tough years. The gym was part of it each and every time and continues to be to this day. Besides, the chicks dig it

Been through this twice. My only advice is to put yourself first, and take some time to figure out what YOU need going forward.

Keep on keeping on brother. Don't give up on yourself. After nearly 26 years, I'm learning a new set of unpleasant facts about my soon to be x-wife and her sister. They can't get me down though.

Your problem (from what I went through)? Your thinking too much about the past and future…..the past….can’t change it's mostly fading memories…….enjoy the good but don’t overdose on it….The future?…..who the frak knows? I posted on here what seems to be a few months ago and your still here!!! Lol… You can’t snap out of something you want to be in….get it? Get on with your life…if you have to move….MOVE…I moved when I divorced and it changed my whole outlook on life…and broke the heavy anchors chain of running into her..I didn't have the dose of her anymore…like a drug huh….…..if you want to LIVE then make the change mentally or physically. Just think you and her are only 2 of 7 billion people one earth. 7 billion!!!!! with each brain that’s not so common from the rest…..my fall back song was Michael McDonald….”No looking back…..try it…

Be strong to yourself and enjoy life DUDE!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrfCPB7MOxA

Yes I know it is tough but Carpe Diem mate. You'll get over this and fully operational soon.

You've got some good advice here. wrbear in particular.

SuperjazzyJa, I'm sorry to hear that. Mark Twain said it best. "Every man's heart is a moon, and it has a dark side."

here's hoping both you and Sleep keep on keeping on.

Sleep said:

Good advice. I'm getting back into cycling for fun and fitness (instead of just commuting and such). I have the time and anything that gets me into shape and feeling the endorphins is good.

I wished her a happy birthday and good luck with impending surgery by text, kinda wished I hadn't, as I felt kinda low for a few days after (maybe unrelated). I'm more and more confident that having no contact with her whatsoever is the way to go, there's not much good that can come of it, and being 'nice' just makes me feel like a doormat, or like I'm hoping to open dialogue because I want her back. I miss her, but I don't want her back.

I've had friends run into her around town, and they say she looks/sounds miserable...who knows, not sure I care as she made her bed.

Getting used to feeling somewhat happy. It's weird to not be worried that her coming home from work is going to result in nasty words and a ruined evening. I just do my thing now, but there are still twinges of anxiety.

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It seems to me, that even after all this time you still seem a little dazed and confused.

After 20 years, it'd be odd if he wasn't.